Mile Marker 103.

I know, I've been home for a while, and have yet not managed to post something. The real answer to that is that I'm changed, and I'm new, and I didn't want to just sum up my mission or life but wanted to figure out who I am again. Mission me was different than pre-mission me, and post-mission me is trying to be the best combination of both of them. And it's hard. Life is hard.

I've started beating my self up in a way, saying, "I'm an 'RM,' I shouldn't be doing... [insert whatever it is I am currently not perfect at, (i.e. sleeping in, putting off reading my scriptures or being to scared to talk to a new face]." Let me just say, I used to think RM's were this breed of really amazing people who knew all the answers to everything, now I understand they are not, or I just got gypped of that blessing.

But today I had this epiphany while I was teaching Relief Society. Life isn't meant to be easy, we struggle, and sometimes we have to learn and relearn the same things over and over and yet over again. We are always trying to improve and grow so we can return better. It made me think, "Do I really trust that God knows what He is doing in my life?"

For instance, yesterday, my friend, Annalisa, and I were driving from Rexburg to Logan, Our original plan was to stop in Idaho Falls and go to the temple, but we got talking and decided to go to the temple in Logan instead, and to stop by her house in Idaho Falls so she could get her car and wish her mom a happy birthday. Well as we get there I realize I left my phone in Rexburg, and my dear mom was willing to drive it down to me. When she gets there, she takes off going north and I take off going south, right behind my friend.

A few turns after we left, I get a call from Anna, asking if she could say a prayer to give us safety as we traveled, something I truly appreciated, both at the time and later. She prayed, and we kept driving. A couple miles onto the freeway, my check tire light came on, so I tried to call my friend, to ask her if she saw anything wrong with it. By the time I got ahold of her I was already slowing down and bouncing along the road, so when she called me back I told her that I needed to get off the road, she looked back and saw the smoke coming from my tire and pulled right over. My tire was super flat.

We started cleaning out my trunk to get to my jack and my spare in an attempt to change my tire (something I had seen done but had never actually done myself) when we got ahold of my dad, who said he and my mom (who had just gotten back from delivering me my phone) would come meet me and change it for me. Knowing, even with the travel time, he could change it faster and safer than I could, I put the things back in the trunk and closed the trunk. As I heard the click of the lid closing, I realized my keys, the one way to get into the trunk, were now safely locked inside it. GAH!!!!

Annalisa's first thought again was to pray, and afterward, she and I googled, phoned friends, and did everything we could possibly think of to get into my trunk, but by the time my parents got there, half an hour later, we were still locked out of it. We let Anna leave so she could get down in time to go to the wedding she wanted to go to, and we kept searching for a way in.

About 30 minutes later we decided just to call a tow truck and get us off the freeway, so we called the insurance to see if a tow would be covered, and the guy walked us through a couple more options we had and tricks to try to get into the trunk. (My favorite was when he asked if it was a hatchback, knowing that if the car was a hatchback the trunk was connected to the interior of the car and I could just climb over the back seat.) 2 hours, a lot of negotiations and phone calls later the tow truck came. For those of you keeping track that is 3 hours sitting on the side of I-15.

 

Another 2 hours would pass before the locksmith was able to break into my trunk, by taking my door apart. Then another 30 mins or so to put the door back together and actually change the tire. By this time All the nearby tire shops are closed and I just have the spare on my car.

My dear parents are saints, they drove all over to help me, didn't get frustrated or upset, and even let me switch cars for the week so I wouldn't have to drive the donut all the way down to Logan. That is an example to me of how to get through the hard times.

I did eventually make it down to Logan, but instead of the 2 hours and 45 mins it usually takes, I was nearing 10. And I just kept wondering why God was keeping me from getting to the temple, the friend's wedding, and planning for my lesson. These were all good things, right? Why would he keep me from them? Takes me back to that question: "Do I really trust that God knows what He is doing in my life?"

I don't know if God was sparing me from something worse, like you often hear in stories, or if I just needed to learn a lesson (don't put your keys in the trunk), or if I just needed humility and patience (lessons I never quite seem to learn), but I'm grateful that it wasn't worse than it was. When you think that if it was later, farther south, hotter, colder, if I was by myself, my parents were busy or any other factor that was thrown in, it could have been a lot worse, but just like Annalisa prayed for, no harm came to us, and we both made it to Logan. God is Good!

So I trust God. I trust he has things for me to learn, and I trust that I'm down here to learn them. I trust that He can use me in His work, bless me and guide me, despite the fact that I am imperfect. I trust that His ways are not my ways and that His ways are better. He knows what He is doing, He has been doing it for a long time. So I do trust him.

Mosiah 23:21-22 says: 

"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. 

"Nevertheless—whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day."

"Nevertheless" all the trials in life, I know that God is real.  And that if I put my trust in Him, He will help me, lift me and carry me through ANYTHING, whether it be my own imperfections, or being stuck on the side of the road for hours. Trusting God is being willing to act on promptings given, whatever they might be, obeying the commandments, or having patience and faith in hard times knowing that you will be better for it. Hard is a constant in life, but as we trust in God, He will turn us into something even greater.

Yes, I'm now an RM, but I'm still imperfect, just learning and growing and making mistakes like everyone else, every single day, every single Holly Day!

This is the talk I gave my lesson on that inspired my pondering.

California Here I Come!

Last time I wrote, it was about a Large White Envelope. I opened it that weekend... I went home and had a lot of my close friends and family that could come over. Everyone one guessed, and a couple people got really close and guessed the missions right next door, but no one got it exactly right. I am going to the:

California Carlsbad Mission.

My heart now belongs to warm and sunny SoCal! It is honestly quite perfect for me, and I know that is where the Lord wants me, because I'm not doing this for my family, for myself, or even for the people in California. I'm leaving my life for Him, because he gave his life for me.

But this call is bittersweet. See, I talk a lot about my roommates, but that is because they instantly became my best friends! From the first time we emailed after finding out our roommates, I knew these girls were wonderful. We became the kind of friends that could tell each other anything, and I mean anything! These girls were the reason I didn't get a lot of sleep some nights and the focus of a lot of my memories. These are the girls who I became an adult with, who bonded as we were forced to face the real world by ourselves!

But in just a few short months, Kate will be in Spain, Cass in Ecuador, me in California, Tay in Argentina, and Hailey here in Utah! I've only been apart from my best friends for two LONG weeks, but I already feel so alone. I know my companions will become close, and in two years we'll be back together. I guess I just hate saying goodbye.

I also have friends in Rexburg I don't want to say goodbye to, and this isn't even the half of them. These friends I know it will be hard for me to see a lot, even on my return, which made it almost even harder to say goodbye. These are the girls I've grown up with! My friends for up to 10 long years.My friends that were there for braces, girls camp, boys..., first date, graduation, all my teenage experiences.

There is also the hardest goodbye, aside from my roommates, my friends, my hair, my home, I also have to say goodbye to my family. In 59 days I'll say goodbye to my two brothers, my sister and my brother-in-law, my parents and to the most adorable 16-month-old little boy. They are the ones who have supported me my whole entire life! And will support me for the rest of it.

I know I'm a little bit early in all of these goodbyes, I don't leave for two months (minus two days), but being away from all of these amazing people makes me realize how much I'm going to miss them all!

But what am I gaining? I'm gaining an adventure in the most amazing place in the world! (I mean it's got Legoland! What more could you want?) I'm going to have the most amazing experience ever! Hard, but worth it! Carlsbad is warm and gorgeous! I am so lucky to serve the lord, who I love so much in such a beautiful place in my native language.

So while I won't be a Hermana, a Sœur or an Imōto, I will be a Sister, Sister Palmer! And I will be exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing!

What is the point of all of this? Well, you know the saying that a missionary is someone who leaves their family for a short time so that others can be with theirs for eternity? I guess all the best things in life require a little bit of sacrifice. With all the goodbyes I'm saying, I'm setting myself up for some wonderful hellos! And I can't wait! I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing! I know a mission is right for me! Now it is just a matter of preparing.

California here I come! :)

The Large White Envelope

Ok, So it has been a while, a long while, lets just say the post about 10 things to get you through a tough week, yeah I really needed that one. And its not over yet, but three weeks from right now I will be done with all my finals and take that load off. I should probably be doing a million things right now, but lets face it, with what just happened, I probably won't accomplish much any way!

And what did just happen? Nothing too amazing or impressive. I checked the mail, and I had mail. Well, let me rephrase that, I got a letter. Just one. And I already know that inside it is a piece of paper and a booklet. So why is it such a big deal? Because this letter decides the rest of my life in a way. Forever after this I will be able to say, I spent a year and a half in _____. Or I served my mission _____. It decides when I start school up again after my mission, which changes whether I graduate spring or fall. It changes a lot. This one envelope contains a few key pieces of information I need to know to plan the logistics of the next few years. Where I'm going, when I'm leaving, if I learn a new language, what M.T.C. and who my mission parents will be.

It is here for real this time!

It is voluntary, I actually pay for everything. I take a leave of absence from school for at least the 18 months. I will only call home twice a year, and three times total over the course of my mission. I can only email my parents, friends and family for around an hour once a week. I will work hard, and walk lots everyday. It is work. I will probably get rejected and turned away more times than I can count, maybe even that many times in a month.

So why am I so excited to put my life on hold to go to who knows where and have lots of hardship and loneliness? Because I know HE did it for me. He walked the road less traveled, He was reject, betrayed and He was killed. But He loves me and each of us so much, that He would have done it for just one of us. Because HE lives, I'm serving a mission.

I am spending the next year and a half of my life, trying so hard to get my brothers and sisters of the world to remember that. They know that their Heavenly Father, and elder brother Jesus Christ love them, or at least they did once. It is my job to remind them. To remind them that families are designed to be forever! Not just till death do us part, but for time and all eternity. That is God's plan. To me it is scary to think that this all, the whole world happened by accident, but it is comforting to think that a loving God designed it all. God knows each and everyone of us, and He loves us despite the fact that each and every day we are imperfect. He has created a plan for us to return, a plan where we had to fall away, and Jesus had to atone for us. All this so we could choose him, and come back and live in forever families.

I have been called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And I already know I love the people of my mission so much, because they are my brothers and sisters. Where I am called is the place I know I can do the most good, and I can be blessed the most. Where I am called I will forever love and think is the best place ever. Where I am called is written in the large white envelope, and I know it is where I'm supposed to be.

10 Things to get YOU through a Tough Week

1) Read the Scriptures! The scriptures are your best friends. They are filled with people who testify of Christ and are Christ-like examples in their testimonies and actions. Shouldn't we all strive to be perfect even as our Father and Jesus are perfect. The scriptures testify of them. We need the words of the prophets to bring us closer to our father and older brother.

2) Pray! Heavenly Father loves you and wants to help you with what ever you're going through, but you need to ask. Ask and it shall be given. So often we want the giving without the asking.

3) SMILE! Spiritually minded is life eternal. Think positive! Think of God. Your thoughts guide how you act and what you say, make them positive and think of things you want to become. Be an optimist and let there be a smile on your face! If you pretend your happy hard enough for long enough, pretty soon even you'll believe it!

4) Plan a Reward! You can't just keep going, going, going! You need a break from everything sometimes, find a way to let it all out. It gives you something to look forward to!

5) Focus on the Reward! When you get your reward, when you're taking a break. focus on that. Set a timer if if is a quick break or leave your homework behind, physically and mentally if you are going somewhere. For that time don't think about what you have to do, just on the break! 

Side note: This weekend I went to my nephews birthday party, I brought homework to work on, but didn't touch it. It was amazing!

6) Laugh! This kinda goes along with smiling, but you need to laugh at yourself, at a tv show and with (not at) others! Friends are amazing and the right ones can make a tough time a lot better. They care about you, just remember, you need to be there for their hard times too.

7) Eat Healthy! Food is amazing! It makes you feel good, but HEALTHY food, like fruits and veggies make you feel even better! But eat what you're craving (if it is not so healthy food, eat it in moderation...). But don't ever stop eating. Don't regularly skip meals. That's bad, and you get really hungry and grumpy.

8) Make Lists! Lists are great. If you make lists you won't forget anything, and you know exactly how much you have left. Plus it feels really good to cross things off!

9) Let Some Things Go! No one can do everything. That list, don't feel bad if you didn't get the little this checked off. Its okay sometimes to put somethings off and put yourself or other important things first!

10) Talk it out! I like to talk a lot! It helps me so much to talk to someone I trust about my problems. Find someone, be it a parent, sibling, roommate, friend and share your secrets. It is no good to keep them bottled up. Talk about the weight on your shoulders. You can trust this person.

Do your Best! When it is all over that is all you can do. Looking back all that matters is that you did your very best.

Small and Simple Miracles

"Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means it did show unto them marvelous works." Alma 37:41

Wow! Two weeks ago I realized just how strong my testimony was, and in the last two weeks I have seen so many blessings from it. The gospel of Jesus Christ makes me so happy! Today in Relief Society (one of the most amazing organizations in the whole entire world! If you are female, 18 or older and not going, I suggest you start! It will better your life!) we talked about recognizing the spirit. Our teacher started off the lesson by having us all talk to our neighbor about a "mini-miracle" we had seen in the past week, a trait we have we're confident in and something that made us smile in the last week. For the second two I always answered I'm confident in my testimony (see my last blog post) and what made me smile was my friends and roommates, as they always make me laugh, and I'd share one story or another. For the miracle though, I thought of one, and then as others shared theirs with me I thought of more kind of like theirs! So here are my miracles, not to tell you how amazing my life (especially the last couple weeks) is, and not to copy Tay (who posted a blog post very similar just about an hour before I started this one; the lesson must have been really good for us both to have the same thoughts!) but so you guys reading this can recognize the different ways the lord works, and notice the miracles in your life. Now lets see if I can remember them all (I bolded the miracle so you don't have to read them all):

1. First miracle: Binary. :) You are now thinking I am the biggest nerd ever, (yeah, you're probably right. The end). But seriously. Starting this semester I was so worried  about my digital circuits class because I had no idea what to expect. Either the first or second day of the class she gave us reading and it was on binary. I dreaded it, and as I started reading I was so lost and bored, but then it clicked. Now the class I dreaded the most is my favorite, and on a side note the two classes I was the most excited for I don't like.
2. This as been the most amazing January ever. There is like no snow on the ground and it has stayed well above 30 during most days! Warm winter in Logan! :)
3. Oh and along those same lines, the inversion has stayed away! In version is basically really thick fog that lasts for days. I love being able to see the temple and the mountains. Those are what make Logan really beautiful!
4. I am an Undergraduate Research Fellow (URF). That means I get a scholarship to do research starting freshman year. In most fields freshman don't do a lot with research, and if they do it is feeding the animals, taking data/measurements, sweeping and cleaning the beakers, etc. I like encryption. There is not much for a freshman to do in encryption because we don't know all the math/science/computer science we need to yet. I was having tough luck finding a spot. A couple weeks ago I emailed two professors, one over the URFs and the other my last attempt at finding research I was interested in helping out in. My meetings with both professors eventually fell on the same day half an hour apart. the first was URF. I basically told him I couldn't find a spot and I needed to defer until after my mission when I would have more experience, then I went to the second one and it was a perfect match. He said he wanted to see what the results of his idea would be but it was a simple enough idea that even a freshman could help with it, and it was in exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life! He still has to approve the project but cross your fingers and say a prayer for me that it'll work out!
5. I have the craziest roommates ever and last weekend I spent a whole half hour listening to Tay talk without taking a break. She is the most hilarious person I have met! She is so kind and loving and has a glowing testimony, but that night I needed the laugh and boy did she deliver. I heard her whole life story and the whole time I'm sitting there thinking, I could never be as spontaneous and funny as Tay! She is our entertainment in C101!
6. My schedule this semester is crazy. I have pretty much back to back classes from 8:30 or 9:30 to 2:00, 4:30 or 6:00. and MWF are when all my engineering classes are (digital circuits, linear algebra, mission prep (okay, not really engineering), computer science, and on Wednesdays my Circuits Lab). Wednesday I had homework due in every class but one (and no that one was not mission prep). And the other class the assignment was due Monday after our big roommate sleepover. But I got it all turned in and the only thing I missed was sleeping in and being lazy Monday morning!
7. Speaking of homework, I was super stressed about my math homework because I didn't exactly have my math book yet. You see I though I had gotten a good deal and ordered the wrong thing. The book store was all out and if I ordered a new one online it wouldn't be here until next month. The professor kinda posted the assignment late and so I couldn't really borrow someone in my classes and the library didn't have one. I did order one online just so I'd have it for the next assignment, but I was in a pickle. Monday I get a text from someone I had emailed a week ago. They asked me if I still wanted the book. I said yes very much. I was able to cancel my order online because of the holiday weekend and turn in my assignment complete and on time!
8. Thursday night my five roommates and I get a text from our RA: "...I totally forgot to mention that we're probably getting a new roommate tomorrow..." We have had two empty beds in our dorm since the end of last semester and had speculated when/if we would get a new roommate. If the spots did get filled we also wondered what she would be like. not to mention the five of us are really tight and we didn't want the new girl to come in and feel let out or be awkward about it. Needless to say we were a tad worried, but honestly we had no need to be. Hailey is amazing and fits in with the rest of us like she's been here all along. I can't wait to get to know her better over the coming semester!
9. Friday night! Some of the girls from the second floor had a party and we ate dinner, played games, talked, ate LOTS of candy and watched both Despicable Me's in out PJ's! It was a ton of fun! When the second show was over we all decided we were tired and called it a night. Then when we got to our room and into bed we all decided we caught our second wing and stayed up for another hour talking and getting to know Hailey better. Lots of fun!
10. On Saturday, Cass's dad took us all out for dinner and swimming at the hotel he was staying at. It was so much fun! We played keep away in the pool and it was more fun than I had had in a while, especially in a pool! It was fun to just let go and procrastinate homework.
11. Today has been a day of miracles. Let me start with Sunday school. Our ward now has three Sunday School classes and Cassidy gets to teach two weeks a month. Because of farewells and the increase in classes gospel principles was pretty empty this week. In fact when all is said and done it was Cass who was teaching, the other four of us roommates, and Katie who is practically a roommate anyway. It was really great just having a small class, and Cass is a great teacher. She is an amazing person over all actually she's been such an example to me since I've met her.
12. Two eternal truths that spoke to me from Sunday school. We learned about the creation and emphasized on the fact that all things denote there is a God, and since God is light, as his children we are light too. The earth is perfect, self-mending and beautiful. It couldn't have just became that way, it had to have been created. I know that one day we can be kings and queens of our own kingdom and be the light to our heavenly children.
13. Relief society we had the lesson on mini miracles which has brought all these events to my mind.
14. As I walked out of Church today I had a big smile on, I realized that church is the only high I need in my life, because it makes me happier than I ever could be with anything else. I also realized that I have gotten more out of it in like the last two months than I ever had before! The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is completely true and totally amazing!.
15. Today I made homemade dinner for my roomies and I: three cheese, quick lasagna. Homemade food is a miracle for a college student. The end. No but really I love cooking and my roommates seemed to like it too! (at least no one died!)
16. We had a valley wide institute devotional today, and our guest apostle was Quentin L. Cook. He spoke on choice and choosing the best of the things that truly mater first. It was such a blessing to hear from an apostle of the Lord.
17. The day's I read my scriptures I'm happy the day's I don't I'm not. And if I go I day or two with out reading I'm less likely to read the next day. Personal scripture study is amazing.and i'm so glad I read today! I found the gem I started my blog with and a couple other amazing scriptures that spoke right to my heart.
18. I'm amazing at procrastinating homework, and I'm trying hard to keep the sabbath day more holy, (and before someone says "Kitchen Scrabble" Just know it's a work in progress. So we stayed up till about 11 watching a movie, then I ate food and read my scriptures for an hour so I could work on a homework assignment due tomorrow at one. (again I have classes tomorrow from 9:30-2). I was prepared for a long night. I start working on it and then start playing the game. What if I only get 50%,60%, 70%. While I'm doing this I see an announcement online that it is postponed until Wednesday! I worked on it a little bit then called it good.

Now again, while I want to share my what I'm doing and my thoughts and feelings with you, I don't share these things to make my life seem perfect of amazing. It's not. But The gospel makes it better. One thing the gospel teaches is to notice the little things. "By small and simple." What little miracles have occurred in your life today? This week? This month? Think about them. Write them down. Be continually noticing new ones! You will be blessed! Thank you for reading my rather long post. 

Beautiful Logan!

A Child's Prayer: The Road to My Conversion

Everyone who goes to primary learns this song. Usually the kids sing the first verse, the teachers the second, and then they both sing them together in a beautiful harmony. The first is about questioning, the second about knowledge and confirmation.

1. Heavenly Father, are you really there?

And do you hear and answer ev'ry child's prayer?

Some say that heaven is far away,

But I feel it close around me as I pray.

Heavenly Father, I remember now

Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

"Suffer the children to come to me."

Father, in prayer I'm coming now to thee.

2. Pray, he is there;

Speak, he is list'ning.

You are his child;

His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayer;

He loves the children.

Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav'n.

I have sung this song, A Child's Prayer since I've known how to sing, and it has always been a favorite. At first I sung it with the childish awe: my parents told me he's there, so I'll believe. Then I began to question, question everything I knew and believed in. Are you really there? Do you really care about me?

My testimony started with the fact that I am every person I see is special. Simple enough. I am beautiful, I am special. I am a daughter of God. And for a while that is all I really knew was true about the church. I believed and wanted to believe everything, but I still questioned and I still wondered if it was true.But I knew that I knew something. As assuredly as I knew that 2 + 2 = 4, I knew that I was a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven and I knew that everyone I met was a Prince or Princess of divine rights. I started small, yes, but I knew and that was all that mattered to me.

I knew this because I asked. Like most teenagers do I was questioning who I was, was I important, could I possibly make a difference. After I started questioning and asking in prayer I started feeling something. Every time I sung I am a Child of God, recited the Young Women Theme or heard a similar statement I felt peace. It wasn't an all at once thing, more like a sunrise experience, but sometime I just new. And that was enough.

For a while I was content with just that piece of the grand puzzle of life. I knew that if God loved me I would be fine. I began to no longer question if Heavenly Father was there, because if he was my father he had to be real. But occasionally I wondered if he heard and answered prayers, so I didn't pray. I prayed at church and in family prayers, but not alone.  I remembered the stories in the scriptures, but I really hadn't read them for myself. Well, no I read the Book of Mormon once, but with the intent to finish it, not with the intent to learn. I knew my Father was a King, but I didn't get how he could hear everyone all at once, and I didn't know anything else about the church.

Then I finished 8th grade. I would start seminary the next year. I felt like I should know something more, my testimony wasn't enough. I began spiratically reading the Book of Mormon over the summer and through the first semester of school. (my seminary was only two out of three trimesters and I had it second and third). I don't remember exactly when, in fact this whole paragraph could be a lie, it is just how I best remember it, but one day I read Moroni 10: 3-5, commonly known as Moroni's challenge:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

I decided I had been piggybacking on my parent's testimonies long enough. I decided to again ask. I decided to take Moroni's challenge. My intents might not have been as pure as they could have been. Maybe I was a little bit young, at least younger than Joseph Smith was when he prayed. I guess I could have had more sincerity. But I asked, because I wanted to know. I don't remember a lot, but then next few things I remember clearly. I remember kneeling down  against my bed in my messy messy room, and asking my Father in Heaven. I din't ask him to tell me that the Book of Mormon was true, I also didn't ask him to prove to me it was false. I had no bias, I just wanted to know. If it was false I would try to find truth else where, but if it was true I would never let it go. So I asked my Heavenly Father if this book I held in my hands was true. It was a short and simple prayer. 

As I got up I had a thought in my head, "Holly, you didn't need to ask. You already knew." I felt a little silly, thinking it was just my own thought. It wasn't until a couple months later, the last day of second trimester, where in seminary we were just sharing our testimonies. One boy, I still remember who it was and his name 4 years later, got up and said that he knew this church was true because he asked. He said that he got conformation by a thought saying, "you already knew." I don't think this boy knew he helped me get my testimony, but he did. I knew that thought I had after kneeling down in prayer was the Holy Ghost telling me that I knew, and what I knew was correct. The Book of Mormon is true.

Since the Book of Mormon was true I knew that Joseph Smith was indeed the Lord's Prophet here on Earth. And every prophet since was a true prophet. I began singing the second verse of A Child's Prayer, because I knew He is there. I knew he answered prayers and I knew the Church was true.

Soon seminary ended for the year, and I had to go six months without it. I stopped my daily scripture study, and was never really in a habit of daily prayer. These habits throughout high school came and went and so did my rock solid testimony. I began singing the first verse again. Heavenly Father, Are you there? I need you! Help me, please! But I wasn't willing to put in the effort to really feel comforted. I knew that I was a Child of God. I knew the Book of Mormon was true, but I guess you could say I wasn't really into it heart and soul.

I moved out and came to college. I didn't know my roommate. I knew her name was Cassidy and that she wrote an amazing blog. But as we moved in and everyday I watched her kneel down in prayer and read her scriptures, I saw a peace and a beauty in her that I wanted. I began doing the same. When I couldn't decide what institute class to take she suggested taking a couple. She will never fully understand what those couple little things did to my testimony. 

Today in one of my institute classes we talked about Pres. Uchtdorf's talk entitled Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth. We talked about how if science and the church don't agree on something, wait around, science will catch up. That is how it was with "world's without number," and the word of wisdom. At the end of the talk he mentions that when you get a testimony it will be glorious.

I walked out of there singing A Child's Prayer. I don't know why, we hadn't talked about it or anything, but it was stuck in my head. I wasn't singing the first verse though, I was singing the second. I realized I had something glorious. Something I didn't have before. Right now I feel the strongest I ever have. I KNOW!!!! I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only church on this planet that has the complete truth others have parts, but they are all missing something. It doesn't matter that I don't understand everything about it. I have felt confirmation that it is true, I know the key big things, so the little ones don't matter. 

Think about it, a hundred years ago we didn't know about all the galaxies (worlds without number) we do now. Maybe in the next hundred years we'll discover something else that the church broadcasts as truth, and just because we don't know it now, that doesn't make it false. Science and the rest of the world will catch up. But God knows all and is almighty, and I know I can live with him again someday. And someday my husband and I together can become Gods!

I know. There is nothing anyone can say that would take that away from me. It is GLORIOUS! My testimony is a fire inside of me. I am now a convert. That doesn't happen when you get baptized, that happens when you know! We should all strive everyday to be converted, to know!

So nothing else matters. It doesn't matter that I don't know if we'll eat food in Heaven. It doesn't matter if I have friends on other planets. It doesn't even matter that I had to wait an extra six months to go on my mission. All that matters is that this church is true, and with that, I know that everything else must fall into place somehow.

My name is Holly Dawn Palmer. I'm 19 years old, I'm an engineering student at Utah State University. I love yellow, Christmas, pretzels and lemonade. I own more jewelry than anyone should. I get excited over learning binary numbers. I am a daughter of God, and I am a Mormon.

Where Are You Christmas?

Where are you Christmas 

Why can't I find you 

Why have you gone away 

Where is the laughter 

You used to bring me 

Why can't I hear music play 

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean Christmas changes too

This has been my attitude this season. For most of it I haven't been at home, my dorm, the hotel and the cabin weren't all decorated, and there hasn't even been that much snow, you know before Christmas day! I had finals in December instead of Madison's November. I don't even really have my old traditional hallmark Christmas movies, (or lovey-dovey mushy-mushy kissy-kissy movies that just happen to take place at Christmas time). I was away from family and I didn't have all the traditions. For a girl who is obsessed with Christmas, this year I was just not that into it.

I went to Forgotten Carols with my roommates and some of our friends, and the spirit there was simply magical. It reminded me of why I loved Christmas, the unity the fact that today, the whole world was united in celebrating, and yes while it all began with a precious baby in a humble stable, Christmas has grown to mean, happiness, selflessness, love, and giving. All things Jesus taught. I love how united everyone is in those emotions and actions this time of year. Like I said, Forgotten Carols reminded me of that. If you haven't seen it, I very much recommend it for next year. It reminds you of that love. After the carols though, I had to go back to studying for and taking finals.

One night during finals week my roommates went for a rive up to Bear Lake. The plan was to get up there before sunset and have a mini New Year's Eve, watch the sunset and just enjoy each other's company before the last final and we all leave for our homes and families. Well, we ended up getting a late start and sunset came and went during the drive. We got there and almost didn't know what to do, so we just parked on the side of the road. We sat on a blanket, and stared at the stars. Eventually we all ended up laying on top of each other. I saw my first few shooting starts. It was so quiet and peaceful. Beautiful and chill. The only noise was the occasionally passing car. Our laughter and eventually our singing. We sang little diddys, and Christmas carols. That reminded me of the beauty and peace of Christmas, and also the wonder of God's Creations.

This week my family spent the days before Christmas in a Cabin in Island Park. I love my family, and for the couple days we were just together. No phones, laptops, Netflix, or any other distractions. We played lots of games, went snowmobiling and just spent time with each other. Christmas was always magic because of my family, how well we get along with each other and the fun competition of our many favorite games and constant teasing. And yes, I got a concussion, and yes I'm all bruised up from crashing a snowmobile, but in the cabin with my family up on a snowy mountain, that was Christmas. 

Maybe I did lose Christmas for a little bit, but I found it again. Christmas is unity, its peace and beauty and it is family. It is collecting donations with Audge for Sub for Santa. It is shopping with my mom for presents for all my siblings. It is watching the joy on my nephew's face as he opens present after present with help from his parents. Christmas is magic, it's everywhere. it is in the small things!

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of Christmas

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I hope the Feelings lasts all year round!