A Child's Prayer: The Road to My Conversion

Everyone who goes to primary learns this song. Usually the kids sing the first verse, the teachers the second, and then they both sing them together in a beautiful harmony. The first is about questioning, the second about knowledge and confirmation.

1. Heavenly Father, are you really there?

And do you hear and answer ev'ry child's prayer?

Some say that heaven is far away,

But I feel it close around me as I pray.

Heavenly Father, I remember now

Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

"Suffer the children to come to me."

Father, in prayer I'm coming now to thee.

2. Pray, he is there;

Speak, he is list'ning.

You are his child;

His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayer;

He loves the children.

Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav'n.

I have sung this song, A Child's Prayer since I've known how to sing, and it has always been a favorite. At first I sung it with the childish awe: my parents told me he's there, so I'll believe. Then I began to question, question everything I knew and believed in. Are you really there? Do you really care about me?

My testimony started with the fact that I am every person I see is special. Simple enough. I am beautiful, I am special. I am a daughter of God. And for a while that is all I really knew was true about the church. I believed and wanted to believe everything, but I still questioned and I still wondered if it was true.But I knew that I knew something. As assuredly as I knew that 2 + 2 = 4, I knew that I was a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven and I knew that everyone I met was a Prince or Princess of divine rights. I started small, yes, but I knew and that was all that mattered to me.

I knew this because I asked. Like most teenagers do I was questioning who I was, was I important, could I possibly make a difference. After I started questioning and asking in prayer I started feeling something. Every time I sung I am a Child of God, recited the Young Women Theme or heard a similar statement I felt peace. It wasn't an all at once thing, more like a sunrise experience, but sometime I just new. And that was enough.

For a while I was content with just that piece of the grand puzzle of life. I knew that if God loved me I would be fine. I began to no longer question if Heavenly Father was there, because if he was my father he had to be real. But occasionally I wondered if he heard and answered prayers, so I didn't pray. I prayed at church and in family prayers, but not alone.  I remembered the stories in the scriptures, but I really hadn't read them for myself. Well, no I read the Book of Mormon once, but with the intent to finish it, not with the intent to learn. I knew my Father was a King, but I didn't get how he could hear everyone all at once, and I didn't know anything else about the church.

Then I finished 8th grade. I would start seminary the next year. I felt like I should know something more, my testimony wasn't enough. I began spiratically reading the Book of Mormon over the summer and through the first semester of school. (my seminary was only two out of three trimesters and I had it second and third). I don't remember exactly when, in fact this whole paragraph could be a lie, it is just how I best remember it, but one day I read Moroni 10: 3-5, commonly known as Moroni's challenge:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

I decided I had been piggybacking on my parent's testimonies long enough. I decided to again ask. I decided to take Moroni's challenge. My intents might not have been as pure as they could have been. Maybe I was a little bit young, at least younger than Joseph Smith was when he prayed. I guess I could have had more sincerity. But I asked, because I wanted to know. I don't remember a lot, but then next few things I remember clearly. I remember kneeling down  against my bed in my messy messy room, and asking my Father in Heaven. I din't ask him to tell me that the Book of Mormon was true, I also didn't ask him to prove to me it was false. I had no bias, I just wanted to know. If it was false I would try to find truth else where, but if it was true I would never let it go. So I asked my Heavenly Father if this book I held in my hands was true. It was a short and simple prayer. 

As I got up I had a thought in my head, "Holly, you didn't need to ask. You already knew." I felt a little silly, thinking it was just my own thought. It wasn't until a couple months later, the last day of second trimester, where in seminary we were just sharing our testimonies. One boy, I still remember who it was and his name 4 years later, got up and said that he knew this church was true because he asked. He said that he got conformation by a thought saying, "you already knew." I don't think this boy knew he helped me get my testimony, but he did. I knew that thought I had after kneeling down in prayer was the Holy Ghost telling me that I knew, and what I knew was correct. The Book of Mormon is true.

Since the Book of Mormon was true I knew that Joseph Smith was indeed the Lord's Prophet here on Earth. And every prophet since was a true prophet. I began singing the second verse of A Child's Prayer, because I knew He is there. I knew he answered prayers and I knew the Church was true.

Soon seminary ended for the year, and I had to go six months without it. I stopped my daily scripture study, and was never really in a habit of daily prayer. These habits throughout high school came and went and so did my rock solid testimony. I began singing the first verse again. Heavenly Father, Are you there? I need you! Help me, please! But I wasn't willing to put in the effort to really feel comforted. I knew that I was a Child of God. I knew the Book of Mormon was true, but I guess you could say I wasn't really into it heart and soul.

I moved out and came to college. I didn't know my roommate. I knew her name was Cassidy and that she wrote an amazing blog. But as we moved in and everyday I watched her kneel down in prayer and read her scriptures, I saw a peace and a beauty in her that I wanted. I began doing the same. When I couldn't decide what institute class to take she suggested taking a couple. She will never fully understand what those couple little things did to my testimony. 

Today in one of my institute classes we talked about Pres. Uchtdorf's talk entitled Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth. We talked about how if science and the church don't agree on something, wait around, science will catch up. That is how it was with "world's without number," and the word of wisdom. At the end of the talk he mentions that when you get a testimony it will be glorious.

I walked out of there singing A Child's Prayer. I don't know why, we hadn't talked about it or anything, but it was stuck in my head. I wasn't singing the first verse though, I was singing the second. I realized I had something glorious. Something I didn't have before. Right now I feel the strongest I ever have. I KNOW!!!! I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only church on this planet that has the complete truth others have parts, but they are all missing something. It doesn't matter that I don't understand everything about it. I have felt confirmation that it is true, I know the key big things, so the little ones don't matter. 

Think about it, a hundred years ago we didn't know about all the galaxies (worlds without number) we do now. Maybe in the next hundred years we'll discover something else that the church broadcasts as truth, and just because we don't know it now, that doesn't make it false. Science and the rest of the world will catch up. But God knows all and is almighty, and I know I can live with him again someday. And someday my husband and I together can become Gods!

I know. There is nothing anyone can say that would take that away from me. It is GLORIOUS! My testimony is a fire inside of me. I am now a convert. That doesn't happen when you get baptized, that happens when you know! We should all strive everyday to be converted, to know!

So nothing else matters. It doesn't matter that I don't know if we'll eat food in Heaven. It doesn't matter if I have friends on other planets. It doesn't even matter that I had to wait an extra six months to go on my mission. All that matters is that this church is true, and with that, I know that everything else must fall into place somehow.

My name is Holly Dawn Palmer. I'm 19 years old, I'm an engineering student at Utah State University. I love yellow, Christmas, pretzels and lemonade. I own more jewelry than anyone should. I get excited over learning binary numbers. I am a daughter of God, and I am a Mormon.

Where Are You Christmas?

Where are you Christmas 

Why can't I find you 

Why have you gone away 

Where is the laughter 

You used to bring me 

Why can't I hear music play 

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean Christmas changes too

This has been my attitude this season. For most of it I haven't been at home, my dorm, the hotel and the cabin weren't all decorated, and there hasn't even been that much snow, you know before Christmas day! I had finals in December instead of Madison's November. I don't even really have my old traditional hallmark Christmas movies, (or lovey-dovey mushy-mushy kissy-kissy movies that just happen to take place at Christmas time). I was away from family and I didn't have all the traditions. For a girl who is obsessed with Christmas, this year I was just not that into it.

I went to Forgotten Carols with my roommates and some of our friends, and the spirit there was simply magical. It reminded me of why I loved Christmas, the unity the fact that today, the whole world was united in celebrating, and yes while it all began with a precious baby in a humble stable, Christmas has grown to mean, happiness, selflessness, love, and giving. All things Jesus taught. I love how united everyone is in those emotions and actions this time of year. Like I said, Forgotten Carols reminded me of that. If you haven't seen it, I very much recommend it for next year. It reminds you of that love. After the carols though, I had to go back to studying for and taking finals.

One night during finals week my roommates went for a rive up to Bear Lake. The plan was to get up there before sunset and have a mini New Year's Eve, watch the sunset and just enjoy each other's company before the last final and we all leave for our homes and families. Well, we ended up getting a late start and sunset came and went during the drive. We got there and almost didn't know what to do, so we just parked on the side of the road. We sat on a blanket, and stared at the stars. Eventually we all ended up laying on top of each other. I saw my first few shooting starts. It was so quiet and peaceful. Beautiful and chill. The only noise was the occasionally passing car. Our laughter and eventually our singing. We sang little diddys, and Christmas carols. That reminded me of the beauty and peace of Christmas, and also the wonder of God's Creations.

This week my family spent the days before Christmas in a Cabin in Island Park. I love my family, and for the couple days we were just together. No phones, laptops, Netflix, or any other distractions. We played lots of games, went snowmobiling and just spent time with each other. Christmas was always magic because of my family, how well we get along with each other and the fun competition of our many favorite games and constant teasing. And yes, I got a concussion, and yes I'm all bruised up from crashing a snowmobile, but in the cabin with my family up on a snowy mountain, that was Christmas. 

Maybe I did lose Christmas for a little bit, but I found it again. Christmas is unity, its peace and beauty and it is family. It is collecting donations with Audge for Sub for Santa. It is shopping with my mom for presents for all my siblings. It is watching the joy on my nephew's face as he opens present after present with help from his parents. Christmas is magic, it's everywhere. it is in the small things!

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of Christmas

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I hope the Feelings lasts all year round!

I Can Do Hard Things.

It's Christmas time!  I love Christmas.  My family has always centered Christmas on family and Christ, but this year we were notified we wouldn't receive as many presents as we usually do, instead we would make memories. With my birthday in December too, normally I get twice the gifts, and this year I no longer get a family birthday, because my family will possibly be in 5 different places for my special day, and then nothing for Christmas, going from getting a lot last year to only one or two presents all of December this year.  Don't get me wrong, I am super excited for our new tradition of renting a cabin in Island Park for the December break, but it is a hard adjustment.  I thought especially that since all I really wanted was missionary stuff, I was justified in my wants.  I sound super shallow, I know, but changing family traditions, is hard.

Then Sunday in relief society we watched a little clip, a Mormon Message. I'm sure most of you have seen it, but if you haven't you definitely should! He is the Gift.  I know this message has struck lots of people in different ways this holiday season, but it hit me hard.  I really am okay.  I can wait for mission stuff till after I have my call, it is more practical then anyways.  And really I don't need anything that I don't have the means myself to buy.  Yes, it's fun to get presents, but headphones and church books aren't really that expensive.  Other people need things more than me.  It is more fun to by little girls a doll and little boys a race track, than to get a nineteen year old a missionary bag or new set of scriptures.  I can embrace our new holiday tradition and be okay with it. I can do hard things.

Also in Relief Society we were challenged to pick one thing over Christmas break to give up, start doing or accomplish to make us a better person.  I picked computer games, and gaming.  Yes, I know they aren't all bad, but when you get to the point I was at when you spend at least 3 hours a day swapping candy, rescuing pets, playing cards, or running a food truck all in a virtual world, I'd think we'd all agree it's gone too far.  I can do hard things. I can make it through the break by actually playing real games with people, writing in my journal (I'm lots behind), reading my scriptures, coming closer to Christ and actually talking to my friends and family.

There is one last hard thing I've accomplished this week.  I went for a run.  When I found out who my roommates were I Facebook stalked them, like any normal college student.  I was especially eager to find out about Cassidy, the one I would share a room with.  First impressions, she was super happy, loved yellow and wrote an amazing and uplifting blog, the only downside she ran.  She was on Cross County and ran a marathon over the summer, really it's fine because I had high school friends that did track and cross country, even family members did, but I don't run.  Ever.  I was worried that my roommate would get up and run every single morning and I'd feel more lazy than I already do.  Luckily Cassidy, while running occasionally, isn't that die hard about it.  A couple of my other roommates also occasionally run as well.  A couple times they invite me to go as well, and a week or two ago I almost did (I got in running clothes and everything) but then I sat in bed to charge my phone and didn't get back out.

Sunday night Kate, Tay and I stayed up late eating junk food, then for breakfast we had crepes and sparkling cider.  All day We had junk food and were kinda lazy.  I felt so sick.  They decided to to a quick ab work out that I joined them in, and then decided to do more. A run is what they suggested.  A quick two mile run to the temple and back.  I decided that if I was going to start running, a temple run was the way to begin.  I don't think they quite realized just how out of shape I was, and what they thought would be a quick 15- 20 minute run took more like half an hour.  When we got to the temple I confessed that outside of PE, which I hadn't taken since 8th grade this was like my second run ever.  It being final week, we said a roommate prayer together.  I felt the spirit as we gathered in a hug under the glow of the temple and asked our Heavenly Father for strength and comfort as we embarked on finals.  As we started back up the hill I begged my friends to leave me and actually get the workout they wanted.  They of course wouldn't.  It wan't until we got to Old Main Hill, that they took the stairs and I took the ramp.  I did it though. I ran or speed walked the whole thing.  I made it to the temple and back with my best friends at my side, cheering me on and encouraging me.

I made it! I always want to make it to the temple!
Photo Credit: Cassidy Gummersall

It reminded me of another walk I did to the temple.  Youth conference a couple years ago as we hiked and walked from "R 'Mountain'" to the Rexburg Temple.  We had prepared for that all day trek for months, walking more and eating healthy, but it was still hard for me.  The theme of the walk was "I can do hard things." I know that I can, I can do hard things.  Not by myself, but with my God and my Savior, and I can accomplish anything they would have me do.

This morning the same roommates and I made another trek to the temple.  We were dressed much differently, took a different mode of transportation, and got a different kind of wet.  As I sat in the temple with these three amazing girls by my side, I know that together we can do anything.  I look forward for each of us to get our mission calls, I can't wait to go to farewells, and then see how much we've changed at homecomings.  I eagerly await another trip to the temple, one where we go upstairs together. I can't wait until one by one we make sacred covenants and then one day we will each kneel across the alter and each get sealed to an amazing young man.  I am so blessed to have the roommates I have.  I know that we are blessed. We can do hard things, so Finals Week, bring it on!!!

We can do anything!
Photo Credit again goes to Cassidy Gummersall.

The Game of Risk

Starting the game. Yellow: Cass. Red: Tay. Green : Kate. Blue: Holly.

I've ALWAYS hated the game Risk! Why? I don't know, maybe because it's my brother's favorite! Maybe it is because it takes FOREVER! Maybe it's because I always loose! I mean even as a I started writing this yesterday, I was playing the dumb game and lost... (Freak-en Satan!) Or maybe it's just that I hate the idea of the whole world at war.

Yesterday I taught my first lesson ever in Relief Society! It was about Missionary Work and the Second Coming of our Savior Jesus Christ! They always say when you teach a lesson you learn more than if you just listen and participate, and I believe whole heartily that that is true. When you prepare or teach, you have to learn as much as you can about the subject and then only share the highlights. I learned so much about the peace of the gospel in preparing the lesson.

I know each sect, person and group has a ton of good in them, but I also know that as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I have access throughout my life to all the keys of eternity, and the opportunity to live with my loved ones forever and ever. This knowledge gives me peace. This is the peace of the gospel. This is the peace I want to share with my spiritual brothers and sisters throughout the world! I want to serve a mission so that others may live with their families forever as well. I believe in forever!

The game of Risk is about World  War Three. This is a war I know will happen. It has to! Before Christ comes again, there will be another world war. Ironically a lot of the fighting I at least did was in the areas that WWIII will be fought in: The Middle East and Jerusalem. In our game, as yellow (and no, for once I wasn't yellow, Cass loves yellow just like me) slowly took over the world I couldn't complain too much. (Ironically, as a side note, yellow also started in North America, home of Adamondiamin and the head quarters for the LDS church.) Yellow is happy! How happy will we be the whole world war is over when Christ comes again.

No I don't think at first we will be happy. As the world is baptized with fire, and some of our brothers and sisters who are unrighteous get taken with it, I think we'll feel lots of sorrow for them, but then when the smoke clears and the whole world is so good and righteous that Satan is bound as if by chains we will be as the people in 4th Nephi, when in verse 16 it says: "...surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God." What is the key to happiness? No contention. How do we achieve that? True peace and love. Where can we find peace and love? In the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I believe everything can be related to the gospel of Jesus Christ, mainly for the reason that our Savior and Heavenly Father created EVERYTHING.

So Risk. The name of the game is a gospel principle. We need to take good Risks. Risk the opportunity to talk to someone new about the gospel. Risk how people look at you to hold fast to your standards. Risk not getting your homework, or other stuff done to read the scriptures and talk to your Father. Life is about risks, but when you Risk something good for something even better, you will be blessed for it.

So while the game is still not my favorite, and I'm still not a big fan of wars, I look forward to the peace at the end of the battle. I enjoy playing games with my roommates so much, and even when we are battling over Asia and they won't even let my keep my stupid Europe, I enjoy the competitiveness, bet even more, I enjoy when its all over and I (second place) and Cass (first place), can stay up till after one laughing about stupid high school stories, even though a little over an hour before i was ticked she beat me.

Sometimes we have to take a Risk to get better, or endure a battle to have true happiness and peace.

My Indecisive Mind Speaks

I am indecisive.  Extremely indecisive.  I can't commit and I never know if what I've chosen is truly the right thing for me.  Should I write my final English paper on unfairly distributing scholarships to minorities first or on how Christmas has become too commercial, or on one of the 4 other ideas I have running around on my head.  (Feel free to comment your opinion.  I probably need it.)  I can't chose what to eat at meals, and I take forever getting ready because I don't know whether to wear this outfit or that one.  Even today as I'm writing this post should I go with choice one or two?  I can't choose one, and I don't think they'd be that easy to combine, so I'm possible gonna write a two part blog.  Maybe.

Part 1: Christmas Time!

Yes, It is the first of November and Yes, I do realize Christmas is just under two months away, but for a girl who thrives on the spirit of Christmas, two months just isn't enough!  "I need a little Christmas right this very minute!" is my motto all year round! 

I know, I've heard all the arguments, Christmas isn't as special if you celebrate it too early, all the songs sound the same, "what about Thanksgiving?".  Hear is my refute, how can the most angelic and special day of the year become less special. Christ came to this world, and died for us so that we could return to him again.  I know he was probably born in April, but this is the day to celebrate all he has given us.  And even though a lot of the world has forgotten what Christmas really means, I love the spirit of Christmas, the fact that people are wondering about what to get others (yes, maybe a bit too much), and that we as humans smile a little more.  I love that Christmas songs either make me cry or make me laugh and smile.  I love that towns light up and people just care about each other a little bit more during the Christmas season!  I love the Holidays, everything about them.  I love decorating my house, and I love spending time with my family.  I love wrapping presents and I love drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas shows, cuddled up on the couch. 

Christmas is my favorite.  So I won't apologize for celebrating the holiday all year round, especially because my name is Holly.  "I cry the day that I take the tree down, I want the season to last all year round..."  I wish we'd all act in the Christmas spirit more, even I could and should act better.  Celebrating early lets me remember to be a little nicer, smile a little wider and love a little more.

When I celebrate Christmas!

An Early Christmas Present for you!

Part 2: My Best Friends

I seriously believe that I live in the best place ever.  A fantastic beautiful city at the base of incredible mountains.  I live right on campus and I live with some of the most wonderful people in the world, and it shocks me that I haven't written about them yet.  So, while I love all my roommates, the people I have met here and my friends back home, I just want to touch on a few people in my life and what they mean to me.

First of all Cassidy.  Cass is incredible.  She's the reason I am even writing this blog because hers in incredible, (she is almost a English major, so her's is a lot better.)  She lives in my room, but on the other side, by the window.  She is totally chill and fun loving and I love talking to her.  She gives great advice.  We are either the exact same or polar opposites.  We were born in the same town (maybe the same hospital) and at the time our families both lived in another town, we both love yellow, and we got the same ACT score.  She's an English Major, and I'm in Engineering.  I love Christmas (see Part One) and she hates it.  Cass is an early bird, (usually) and I'm a night owl.  I have the BESTEST roommate on campus, possibly in the world.

Hannah.  Hannah has been my best friend for a couple years now and she is fabulous.  She just got home from Ecuador working at an orphanage.  She knows all my secrets and can make me laugh.  Hannah danced with me and she is super graceful and beautiful.  She's so kind and incredibly smart.  We get each other and have so many inside jokes.  She's the reason my car's name has a silent  number in it, (my car's name is Ber3nie).  Hannah is the first person I talk to about boys, things bugging me or my worries.  I love Hannah for all the support she has given me throughout the years, and I don't know where I would be without her.

Katie is crazy.  Well actually she is sparkly, and pink.  She lives right above me, like her bed is directly above me.  She's from Montana, but she is the opposite of a hick or red neck.  Katie is also a twin; her twin's name is Emma.  Katie and I get along great as we are both incredibly social, bright and happy.  We both love the idea of romance and love, and we both adore teenage dramas, like Pretty Little Liars, Vampire Diaries and more.  Katie is really smart and wants to combine graphic design and marketing, to design ads and such for companies, and she will be fabulous!  She is so creative and her favorite thing ever is sewing tutu's and other tule skirts.

Another of my roommates is Kate.  Kate is from Arizona, and she is so intelligent.  She is the sweetest and most motherly of my roommates.  She helps out with a special needs institute class which I completely admire her for.  Kate is constantly looking for new ways to help people, and the only time I've ever seen her truly upset was because she can't figure out what she wants to do.  Kate pushes herself, and hates it when she can't figure something out.  She is the kind of person who genuinely loves everyone.  I love the example Kate is to me.

I'm kinda all over, but jumping back home to Rexburg, Amiee.  I occasionally refer to Amiee as mini-me, but that isn't true at all, she is a thousand times more impressive than me.  I was yearbook editor, and this year Amiee is.  I want to be an electrical engineer, and she is thinking more mechanical.  I went to NASA camp, and so did she.  But Ames is incredible.  She is so positive and happy all the time.  she is silly and also incredibly graceful.  Amiee is an amazing photographer and designer, and she is so smart it isn't even funny.  Some people are only great at one or two subjects, math and science, or English, or History and Government, but Amiee is pro at them all.  I don't know yet, where she is planning on heading to for college, but where ever she goes, she will excel! Amiee is fabulous and I love her lots!

Back to roommates: Taylor.  Taylor is the funniest.  She is so silly and chill.  I love that things don't generally bug her and even when they do she just brushes it off.  Tay is also from Arizona, and her sisters are her best friends.  Tay cares so much for her family and misses them so much every day.  Out of her nine blogposts over a third of them directly talk about how much she misses her family.  She has the cutest smile and I love her so much.  She wants to be a pediatrician which is so perfect for her cause she's loving and so kind.  Tay is my angel and my entertainment.

Adam lives down the hall from us and he's probably my best guy friend right now.  He just got his mission call to Canada, and he'll be one of the best missionaries ever.  He set a goal to read all of the standard works before he leaves in February, which i think is super impressive and he's well on his way to meet that goal.  Adam wants to be a surgeon which is also super impressive, and something I could never do.  He's also extremely kind and entertaining.  Adam is also my brother away from my brothers, and by that i mean he teases me like my brothers do.  Him and I both did marching band in High school and went to at least a couple of the same competitions.  If that isn't coincidence enough, he also lives in my cousin's ward, which also happens to be Hannah's cousin's ward.  I'm gunna miss Adam lots next semester, and the Canadians are lucky to have him.

Audge is the last person I want to mention today.  Audrianna is her full name and she also is a roommate.  She's from Washington but recently moved to Logan, and she's sassy.  She is so assertive and isn't afraid to speak her mind.  That can sometimes be a bad thing, but not in Audge's case.  She is a powerful leader, but leads in a kind way.  It's funny, because when we all moved in she told us to call her Anna, then a couple days later decided she wants to be Audge instead.  She's the vice president of the LLC RHA council and she's incredible, always planning activities our designing posters.  Audge wants to be a psych professor when she grows up, and she will be incredible at it.  I love her and her spunk so very much.

There are other incredible people in my life, my family and some other friends, but these guys stand out in my life right now.  They are exactly what I need, and I'm so lucky to know each and every one of them.  I love my friends, each and every one, the ones i mentioned and those i didn't, basically, if you're reading this you probably mean a lot to me.

Tay and I!

Me, Cass, Tay and Kate!

Me and Amiee!

Wryn, Emma, Me, Kate, Katie and Faith.

My roommates (minus Faith and plus Karina): Top: Jess, Me, Kelci, Karina, Audge, Kate. Bottom: Cass and Tay

Libby, Anna, Emma, Me and Hannah!

Katie and I!

Part 3: (see i couldn't decide on just two) The Blessings of Being Indecisive

I think it is funny, because while I am extremely indecisive, the hardest decisions of my life have come easy to me.  I knew I was supposed to come here to USU.  I know I'm supposed to be an engineer, and I know I'm supposed to serve a mission!  These have been the easiest decisions to make, and since I'm so indecisive, the knowledge that these were so easy for me to make testifies to me that their right.  I mean look at how blessed I've been for coming to Logan, and all of the wonderful people I've met.  I know i will be blessed for following the Lord's guidance.

Again, sorry this post has been so long, but I couldn't decide on just one, but I probably could've written more about any of the three.  Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.  Have a Merry Christmas season. :)

Change, College and the Characters in My Story!

Change. Isn't change a funny thing. One day, you suddenly look around and realize everything is different. Generally as humans we don't like change, but isn't that an irony? We live in a world where nothing stays the same, so it's contradictory to hope that we can live each day the same as the life before. Just like the weather and seasons change from day to day, people are variables too. It is nonsensical to expect someone to be and act the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. It's human nature to change; only God is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Yesterday I looked around and it struck me, I'm in college! Wow! In my mind I'm stuck in my sophomore year of high school: in good small Rexburg, starting to date, loving school (but not too much homework), couldn't do sports to save my life, tons of friends, and extremely awkward! :) I had a huge group of friends and we had parties every weekend and hung out all the time. Throughout high school my friend group slowly shrunk. The ones I remained close to became my world to me. I would vent to them, giggle about boys, laugh, do dumb things and just have fun. I loved life! High school was fun, I'll never say it wasn't! I made some fabulous friendships and I hope at least a couple of them last for life.

Me on a fun photo shoot sophomore year, perfect example of my awkwardness.

Now here I am: in Logan at USU, I am preparing myself for a mission, enjoying school (but working hard), fabulous roommates and friends and well... still awkward! I discovered today I am pretty good at ultimate Frisbee! I never thought I would ever be good at anything that involved running and throwing things! I live with 7 amazing girls, and other fabulous people live in my building and we do lots together. As fun and fabulous as high school was, college is 100 times better! I live with my friends, classes are what I actually want to learn about, and we are in charge of ourselves. I can go dance on the quad at midnight, or play Frisbee in the freezing cold, stay up late watching movies or walk to the other side of town on a whim.

My friend Katie and I in Aggie-colored tutu's hugging the legs of the Olsen Statue outside the Romney Stadium after Homecoming.

So I realized, I'm still am that sophomore girl. I still have the same favorite color and I'm still awkward and obnoxious. Above all else, I still have amazing friends. Some are the same, but most aren't actually. That's okay though, because the people I know now are the ones my life will forever change with. At least 6 of them will serve missions the same time I do so we can live together when we get back.  These are the friends that will be there when I meet my future husband and torture him lots. They will live near me when I have my first child. They will be there when my life completely changes, and I couldn't ask for better people to share these life experience with. 

As my life continues and I change some more, I am confident that where ever I go, there will be great friends, and my circle will only grow! Life continues and I can always find the friends I need, and I know that one day, I will find my best friend that I can spend eternity with! I will work hard to make sure to keep some of these friends now forever as well! 

Gather friends as you go through your life's journey!

Our life is our story; we control how we change, and we control how we adjust to the changes! We write it and we decide! So make good choices and change for the better. I did, and am trying to.

My Future Husband

A couple weeks ago in Relief Society (the women's organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) we had a lesson on eternal marriage. Part of what we talked about was the fact that even though most of the girls in my ward are freshman we still need to be thinking about when in a couple years we are to the age we might get married. We need to thing about what we want in a husband, but we also need to prepare ourselves for him. If we're not confident in ourselves there is no way we'll be confident in a marriage. A couple people who have been married told me that they are continually working on that fact. They are trying to get past the insecurities they had before marrying their husband. Marriage, even eternal marriage, isn't a cure all. So I'm working on preparing myself for finding him, because deep down, I believe that I haven't met him yet.

Then in General Conference this weekend, someone mentioned something about preparing and praying to find our future spouse and being ready to meet them and deserving of them.

So here is what I want in a husband, or at least the key points:

1) Holds and Honors the Priesthood

Me in front of the Phoenix, Arizona Temple.

The priesthood power is God's power. He gives his worthy son's the authority to use his power in his name. This is the power that created the Earth, parted the Red Sea, healed the blind in Jerusalem and multiplied the loaves and fishes. In modern times, this power was used to translate the Book of Mormon, dedicate temples, church houses and many other buildings and landmarks, and comfort and heal people. 

My husband will be able to give me priesthood blessings. That is a wonder I have grown up with and will not give up. If he is worthy to hold the priesthood, he will also be worthy to take me to an LDS temple where I can be married and sealed to him for time and all eternity, in this life and in the next. And if he can do both, then that means he has a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

The priesthood however doesn't mean that men are more righteous or more favored than women. Even though women can't hold the priesthood, we are given other blessings and responsibilities. To gain the fullness of my blessings, I must also be worthy to enter the Lord's temples, and have a full testimony of the Church's teachings. For either of us to get all of the blessings we have to work together as a couple. So I am working to gain my testimony, so I can do my part to work towards our eternal marriage.

The day a guy uses his priesthood over me, to say he knows better than me, to receive revelation for me I haven't received for myself, or to say that he is more blessed than I am, is the day I know he is not the one for me. I know my heavenly father loves me, and I know he loves all his children equally, no matter there sex, race, age, religion or choices they have made.

2) Fun to be Around

My good friend Libby and I hiding in a box eating cotton candy and just being silly.

I have to be comfortable with my husband, I want him to be my best friend. I have to be able to tell him anything and everything, and feel like he is reciprocating and being honest with me. But at the same time, I don't want him to be too serious. He has to be able to laugh, and smile, and make me laugh and smile, even on the bad days. I want him to be flirty, and tease me but not too much and love me more than anything. He has to be willing to do the things I want to do, like cuddle on the couch and watch chick flicks or dance to country music. He should have a love for music.

This is a much harder thing to prepare yourself for, but I'm trying to let things go and not be so uptight. I love to laugh and try to find something to laugh or smile about when I'm upset or having a bad day. I'm also trying to try new things, so I'm ready to try out the things that he likes to do.

3) Strong Work Ethic

My acceptance letter to USU!

I want the guy I marry to be able to provide for my family, so I don't have to work if I don't want to while I'm raising kids, or that I could only work part time. I want him to be able to wash dishes and cook along side me, instead of just lying on the couch watching t.v. and I want him to enjoy his work, but look forward to coming home every night so he can get things done on time and not be later than necessary. I want him to be smart so I can have intelligent conversations with him, and I want him to have good goals in life and work and the church.

I'm preparing myself for him by gaining my education, so when hard times come or when I need to I can work and gain an income as well. i'm trying to be focused with my goals and work to improve myself everyday. 

4) Family Man

My "little" brother Justin and I. This picture pretty much sums up our relationship.

Like I said before I want him to be able to help out around the house, but he also has to be good with our kids. Change diapers, attend tea parties, and have tickle tackle fights would all be part of the dad description. Besides our future family though, he has to love and be a part of his family now. I want him to treat his mom like she's his queen, and me like I'm his princess. I also want him to be a part of my family, I want him to care about my siblings and I want my parents to like him.

I love the fact that I am so close to my family and I can talk to them about anything. I can't wait to add to my family by marrying into one! I hope that I get along with all of his family as well. I'm also preparing to raise my kids and keep my home a house of love.


I'm working hard to be worthy of him, and hope and pray everyday that he is doing the same for me. I can't wait to meet you, who ever you are. My future husband!