Mile Marker 103.

I know, I've been home for a while, and have yet not managed to post something. The real answer to that is that I'm changed, and I'm new, and I didn't want to just sum up my mission or life but wanted to figure out who I am again. Mission me was different than pre-mission me, and post-mission me is trying to be the best combination of both of them. And it's hard. Life is hard.

I've started beating my self up in a way, saying, "I'm an 'RM,' I shouldn't be doing... [insert whatever it is I am currently not perfect at, (i.e. sleeping in, putting off reading my scriptures or being to scared to talk to a new face]." Let me just say, I used to think RM's were this breed of really amazing people who knew all the answers to everything, now I understand they are not, or I just got gypped of that blessing.

But today I had this epiphany while I was teaching Relief Society. Life isn't meant to be easy, we struggle, and sometimes we have to learn and relearn the same things over and over and yet over again. We are always trying to improve and grow so we can return better. It made me think, "Do I really trust that God knows what He is doing in my life?"

For instance, yesterday, my friend, Annalisa, and I were driving from Rexburg to Logan, Our original plan was to stop in Idaho Falls and go to the temple, but we got talking and decided to go to the temple in Logan instead, and to stop by her house in Idaho Falls so she could get her car and wish her mom a happy birthday. Well as we get there I realize I left my phone in Rexburg, and my dear mom was willing to drive it down to me. When she gets there, she takes off going north and I take off going south, right behind my friend.

A few turns after we left, I get a call from Anna, asking if she could say a prayer to give us safety as we traveled, something I truly appreciated, both at the time and later. She prayed, and we kept driving. A couple miles onto the freeway, my check tire light came on, so I tried to call my friend, to ask her if she saw anything wrong with it. By the time I got ahold of her I was already slowing down and bouncing along the road, so when she called me back I told her that I needed to get off the road, she looked back and saw the smoke coming from my tire and pulled right over. My tire was super flat.

We started cleaning out my trunk to get to my jack and my spare in an attempt to change my tire (something I had seen done but had never actually done myself) when we got ahold of my dad, who said he and my mom (who had just gotten back from delivering me my phone) would come meet me and change it for me. Knowing, even with the travel time, he could change it faster and safer than I could, I put the things back in the trunk and closed the trunk. As I heard the click of the lid closing, I realized my keys, the one way to get into the trunk, were now safely locked inside it. GAH!!!!

Annalisa's first thought again was to pray, and afterward, she and I googled, phoned friends, and did everything we could possibly think of to get into my trunk, but by the time my parents got there, half an hour later, we were still locked out of it. We let Anna leave so she could get down in time to go to the wedding she wanted to go to, and we kept searching for a way in.

About 30 minutes later we decided just to call a tow truck and get us off the freeway, so we called the insurance to see if a tow would be covered, and the guy walked us through a couple more options we had and tricks to try to get into the trunk. (My favorite was when he asked if it was a hatchback, knowing that if the car was a hatchback the trunk was connected to the interior of the car and I could just climb over the back seat.) 2 hours, a lot of negotiations and phone calls later the tow truck came. For those of you keeping track that is 3 hours sitting on the side of I-15.

 

Another 2 hours would pass before the locksmith was able to break into my trunk, by taking my door apart. Then another 30 mins or so to put the door back together and actually change the tire. By this time All the nearby tire shops are closed and I just have the spare on my car.

My dear parents are saints, they drove all over to help me, didn't get frustrated or upset, and even let me switch cars for the week so I wouldn't have to drive the donut all the way down to Logan. That is an example to me of how to get through the hard times.

I did eventually make it down to Logan, but instead of the 2 hours and 45 mins it usually takes, I was nearing 10. And I just kept wondering why God was keeping me from getting to the temple, the friend's wedding, and planning for my lesson. These were all good things, right? Why would he keep me from them? Takes me back to that question: "Do I really trust that God knows what He is doing in my life?"

I don't know if God was sparing me from something worse, like you often hear in stories, or if I just needed to learn a lesson (don't put your keys in the trunk), or if I just needed humility and patience (lessons I never quite seem to learn), but I'm grateful that it wasn't worse than it was. When you think that if it was later, farther south, hotter, colder, if I was by myself, my parents were busy or any other factor that was thrown in, it could have been a lot worse, but just like Annalisa prayed for, no harm came to us, and we both made it to Logan. God is Good!

So I trust God. I trust he has things for me to learn, and I trust that I'm down here to learn them. I trust that He can use me in His work, bless me and guide me, despite the fact that I am imperfect. I trust that His ways are not my ways and that His ways are better. He knows what He is doing, He has been doing it for a long time. So I do trust him.

Mosiah 23:21-22 says: 

"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. 

"Nevertheless—whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day."

"Nevertheless" all the trials in life, I know that God is real.  And that if I put my trust in Him, He will help me, lift me and carry me through ANYTHING, whether it be my own imperfections, or being stuck on the side of the road for hours. Trusting God is being willing to act on promptings given, whatever they might be, obeying the commandments, or having patience and faith in hard times knowing that you will be better for it. Hard is a constant in life, but as we trust in God, He will turn us into something even greater.

Yes, I'm now an RM, but I'm still imperfect, just learning and growing and making mistakes like everyone else, every single day, every single Holly Day!

This is the talk I gave my lesson on that inspired my pondering.