Mile Marker 103.

I know, I've been home for a while, and have yet not managed to post something. The real answer to that is that I'm changed, and I'm new, and I didn't want to just sum up my mission or life but wanted to figure out who I am again. Mission me was different than pre-mission me, and post-mission me is trying to be the best combination of both of them. And it's hard. Life is hard.

I've started beating my self up in a way, saying, "I'm an 'RM,' I shouldn't be doing... [insert whatever it is I am currently not perfect at, (i.e. sleeping in, putting off reading my scriptures or being to scared to talk to a new face]." Let me just say, I used to think RM's were this breed of really amazing people who knew all the answers to everything, now I understand they are not, or I just got gypped of that blessing.

But today I had this epiphany while I was teaching Relief Society. Life isn't meant to be easy, we struggle, and sometimes we have to learn and relearn the same things over and over and yet over again. We are always trying to improve and grow so we can return better. It made me think, "Do I really trust that God knows what He is doing in my life?"

For instance, yesterday, my friend, Annalisa, and I were driving from Rexburg to Logan, Our original plan was to stop in Idaho Falls and go to the temple, but we got talking and decided to go to the temple in Logan instead, and to stop by her house in Idaho Falls so she could get her car and wish her mom a happy birthday. Well as we get there I realize I left my phone in Rexburg, and my dear mom was willing to drive it down to me. When she gets there, she takes off going north and I take off going south, right behind my friend.

A few turns after we left, I get a call from Anna, asking if she could say a prayer to give us safety as we traveled, something I truly appreciated, both at the time and later. She prayed, and we kept driving. A couple miles onto the freeway, my check tire light came on, so I tried to call my friend, to ask her if she saw anything wrong with it. By the time I got ahold of her I was already slowing down and bouncing along the road, so when she called me back I told her that I needed to get off the road, she looked back and saw the smoke coming from my tire and pulled right over. My tire was super flat.

We started cleaning out my trunk to get to my jack and my spare in an attempt to change my tire (something I had seen done but had never actually done myself) when we got ahold of my dad, who said he and my mom (who had just gotten back from delivering me my phone) would come meet me and change it for me. Knowing, even with the travel time, he could change it faster and safer than I could, I put the things back in the trunk and closed the trunk. As I heard the click of the lid closing, I realized my keys, the one way to get into the trunk, were now safely locked inside it. GAH!!!!

Annalisa's first thought again was to pray, and afterward, she and I googled, phoned friends, and did everything we could possibly think of to get into my trunk, but by the time my parents got there, half an hour later, we were still locked out of it. We let Anna leave so she could get down in time to go to the wedding she wanted to go to, and we kept searching for a way in.

About 30 minutes later we decided just to call a tow truck and get us off the freeway, so we called the insurance to see if a tow would be covered, and the guy walked us through a couple more options we had and tricks to try to get into the trunk. (My favorite was when he asked if it was a hatchback, knowing that if the car was a hatchback the trunk was connected to the interior of the car and I could just climb over the back seat.) 2 hours, a lot of negotiations and phone calls later the tow truck came. For those of you keeping track that is 3 hours sitting on the side of I-15.

 

Another 2 hours would pass before the locksmith was able to break into my trunk, by taking my door apart. Then another 30 mins or so to put the door back together and actually change the tire. By this time All the nearby tire shops are closed and I just have the spare on my car.

My dear parents are saints, they drove all over to help me, didn't get frustrated or upset, and even let me switch cars for the week so I wouldn't have to drive the donut all the way down to Logan. That is an example to me of how to get through the hard times.

I did eventually make it down to Logan, but instead of the 2 hours and 45 mins it usually takes, I was nearing 10. And I just kept wondering why God was keeping me from getting to the temple, the friend's wedding, and planning for my lesson. These were all good things, right? Why would he keep me from them? Takes me back to that question: "Do I really trust that God knows what He is doing in my life?"

I don't know if God was sparing me from something worse, like you often hear in stories, or if I just needed to learn a lesson (don't put your keys in the trunk), or if I just needed humility and patience (lessons I never quite seem to learn), but I'm grateful that it wasn't worse than it was. When you think that if it was later, farther south, hotter, colder, if I was by myself, my parents were busy or any other factor that was thrown in, it could have been a lot worse, but just like Annalisa prayed for, no harm came to us, and we both made it to Logan. God is Good!

So I trust God. I trust he has things for me to learn, and I trust that I'm down here to learn them. I trust that He can use me in His work, bless me and guide me, despite the fact that I am imperfect. I trust that His ways are not my ways and that His ways are better. He knows what He is doing, He has been doing it for a long time. So I do trust him.

Mosiah 23:21-22 says: 

"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. 

"Nevertheless—whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day."

"Nevertheless" all the trials in life, I know that God is real.  And that if I put my trust in Him, He will help me, lift me and carry me through ANYTHING, whether it be my own imperfections, or being stuck on the side of the road for hours. Trusting God is being willing to act on promptings given, whatever they might be, obeying the commandments, or having patience and faith in hard times knowing that you will be better for it. Hard is a constant in life, but as we trust in God, He will turn us into something even greater.

Yes, I'm now an RM, but I'm still imperfect, just learning and growing and making mistakes like everyone else, every single day, every single Holly Day!

This is the talk I gave my lesson on that inspired my pondering.

10 Things to get YOU through a Tough Week

1) Read the Scriptures! The scriptures are your best friends. They are filled with people who testify of Christ and are Christ-like examples in their testimonies and actions. Shouldn't we all strive to be perfect even as our Father and Jesus are perfect. The scriptures testify of them. We need the words of the prophets to bring us closer to our father and older brother.

2) Pray! Heavenly Father loves you and wants to help you with what ever you're going through, but you need to ask. Ask and it shall be given. So often we want the giving without the asking.

3) SMILE! Spiritually minded is life eternal. Think positive! Think of God. Your thoughts guide how you act and what you say, make them positive and think of things you want to become. Be an optimist and let there be a smile on your face! If you pretend your happy hard enough for long enough, pretty soon even you'll believe it!

4) Plan a Reward! You can't just keep going, going, going! You need a break from everything sometimes, find a way to let it all out. It gives you something to look forward to!

5) Focus on the Reward! When you get your reward, when you're taking a break. focus on that. Set a timer if if is a quick break or leave your homework behind, physically and mentally if you are going somewhere. For that time don't think about what you have to do, just on the break! 

Side note: This weekend I went to my nephews birthday party, I brought homework to work on, but didn't touch it. It was amazing!

6) Laugh! This kinda goes along with smiling, but you need to laugh at yourself, at a tv show and with (not at) others! Friends are amazing and the right ones can make a tough time a lot better. They care about you, just remember, you need to be there for their hard times too.

7) Eat Healthy! Food is amazing! It makes you feel good, but HEALTHY food, like fruits and veggies make you feel even better! But eat what you're craving (if it is not so healthy food, eat it in moderation...). But don't ever stop eating. Don't regularly skip meals. That's bad, and you get really hungry and grumpy.

8) Make Lists! Lists are great. If you make lists you won't forget anything, and you know exactly how much you have left. Plus it feels really good to cross things off!

9) Let Some Things Go! No one can do everything. That list, don't feel bad if you didn't get the little this checked off. Its okay sometimes to put somethings off and put yourself or other important things first!

10) Talk it out! I like to talk a lot! It helps me so much to talk to someone I trust about my problems. Find someone, be it a parent, sibling, roommate, friend and share your secrets. It is no good to keep them bottled up. Talk about the weight on your shoulders. You can trust this person.

Do your Best! When it is all over that is all you can do. Looking back all that matters is that you did your very best.

I Can Do Hard Things.

It's Christmas time!  I love Christmas.  My family has always centered Christmas on family and Christ, but this year we were notified we wouldn't receive as many presents as we usually do, instead we would make memories. With my birthday in December too, normally I get twice the gifts, and this year I no longer get a family birthday, because my family will possibly be in 5 different places for my special day, and then nothing for Christmas, going from getting a lot last year to only one or two presents all of December this year.  Don't get me wrong, I am super excited for our new tradition of renting a cabin in Island Park for the December break, but it is a hard adjustment.  I thought especially that since all I really wanted was missionary stuff, I was justified in my wants.  I sound super shallow, I know, but changing family traditions, is hard.

Then Sunday in relief society we watched a little clip, a Mormon Message. I'm sure most of you have seen it, but if you haven't you definitely should! He is the Gift.  I know this message has struck lots of people in different ways this holiday season, but it hit me hard.  I really am okay.  I can wait for mission stuff till after I have my call, it is more practical then anyways.  And really I don't need anything that I don't have the means myself to buy.  Yes, it's fun to get presents, but headphones and church books aren't really that expensive.  Other people need things more than me.  It is more fun to by little girls a doll and little boys a race track, than to get a nineteen year old a missionary bag or new set of scriptures.  I can embrace our new holiday tradition and be okay with it. I can do hard things.

Also in Relief Society we were challenged to pick one thing over Christmas break to give up, start doing or accomplish to make us a better person.  I picked computer games, and gaming.  Yes, I know they aren't all bad, but when you get to the point I was at when you spend at least 3 hours a day swapping candy, rescuing pets, playing cards, or running a food truck all in a virtual world, I'd think we'd all agree it's gone too far.  I can do hard things. I can make it through the break by actually playing real games with people, writing in my journal (I'm lots behind), reading my scriptures, coming closer to Christ and actually talking to my friends and family.

There is one last hard thing I've accomplished this week.  I went for a run.  When I found out who my roommates were I Facebook stalked them, like any normal college student.  I was especially eager to find out about Cassidy, the one I would share a room with.  First impressions, she was super happy, loved yellow and wrote an amazing and uplifting blog, the only downside she ran.  She was on Cross County and ran a marathon over the summer, really it's fine because I had high school friends that did track and cross country, even family members did, but I don't run.  Ever.  I was worried that my roommate would get up and run every single morning and I'd feel more lazy than I already do.  Luckily Cassidy, while running occasionally, isn't that die hard about it.  A couple of my other roommates also occasionally run as well.  A couple times they invite me to go as well, and a week or two ago I almost did (I got in running clothes and everything) but then I sat in bed to charge my phone and didn't get back out.

Sunday night Kate, Tay and I stayed up late eating junk food, then for breakfast we had crepes and sparkling cider.  All day We had junk food and were kinda lazy.  I felt so sick.  They decided to to a quick ab work out that I joined them in, and then decided to do more. A run is what they suggested.  A quick two mile run to the temple and back.  I decided that if I was going to start running, a temple run was the way to begin.  I don't think they quite realized just how out of shape I was, and what they thought would be a quick 15- 20 minute run took more like half an hour.  When we got to the temple I confessed that outside of PE, which I hadn't taken since 8th grade this was like my second run ever.  It being final week, we said a roommate prayer together.  I felt the spirit as we gathered in a hug under the glow of the temple and asked our Heavenly Father for strength and comfort as we embarked on finals.  As we started back up the hill I begged my friends to leave me and actually get the workout they wanted.  They of course wouldn't.  It wan't until we got to Old Main Hill, that they took the stairs and I took the ramp.  I did it though. I ran or speed walked the whole thing.  I made it to the temple and back with my best friends at my side, cheering me on and encouraging me.

I made it! I always want to make it to the temple!
Photo Credit: Cassidy Gummersall

It reminded me of another walk I did to the temple.  Youth conference a couple years ago as we hiked and walked from "R 'Mountain'" to the Rexburg Temple.  We had prepared for that all day trek for months, walking more and eating healthy, but it was still hard for me.  The theme of the walk was "I can do hard things." I know that I can, I can do hard things.  Not by myself, but with my God and my Savior, and I can accomplish anything they would have me do.

This morning the same roommates and I made another trek to the temple.  We were dressed much differently, took a different mode of transportation, and got a different kind of wet.  As I sat in the temple with these three amazing girls by my side, I know that together we can do anything.  I look forward for each of us to get our mission calls, I can't wait to go to farewells, and then see how much we've changed at homecomings.  I eagerly await another trip to the temple, one where we go upstairs together. I can't wait until one by one we make sacred covenants and then one day we will each kneel across the alter and each get sealed to an amazing young man.  I am so blessed to have the roommates I have.  I know that we are blessed. We can do hard things, so Finals Week, bring it on!!!

We can do anything!
Photo Credit again goes to Cassidy Gummersall.

Some Water and Sugar to go with your Lemons?

So I was going to write about Yellow and Holidays and kinda why I named my blog this, especially since I'm really new at this whole blogging thing, but, I decided to write something different. This has been on my mind the last couple days.

"Everything happens for a reason." My roommate reminded me of this the other day, and I agree that it does. In the moment we might not see it, but take a step back, or wait a while and the purpose of an event can become clear as glass.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." "You can only grow from this." "My trials make me a better person." How often do we hear these sayings? Yes, they may have become overused, but what isn't now a days, in a world that has existed for thousands of years and been home to billions of people, it's hard to have an idea that is purely your own, but the things that are over used are so, because they work, they are real. That is definitely a purpose behind each event in our life, because if you chose to you can grow from anything and everything.

Sometimes in life, disappointments can give you hope. Anger can give you determination. A spark can give you hope of a fire. Care can give you strength and reasoning often leads to pure understanding and respect. Hey, in the past week alone I've felt all of them.

Again, a cliche, but life hands you lemons. Bad things will happen to everyone, whether they be old young, rich, poor, introverted, outgoing, optimistic or pessimistic. Bad things happen, but I am a fond believer that the ultimate decision of what to do with the lemons is up to you. You can toss them back (but from my experience, it is hard to through trials and changes back at life), you can take them as is (but then that gets sour), or you can make them into something sweet, like lemonade. Yes, you have to provide your own sugar and water, but it is possible.

My sugar is optimism and determination. Knowing that I can and will get through this alright, and having the perseverance to take whatever life throws at me, and come out on top, as a better person. The water for me, is the tears I shed over the change, the talking and thinking it out. Actually discovering how I feel and where I want to go from this. Talking it out with those I am close to, currently includes my family, roommates, friends from home and my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. And then I take what they tell me to mind as well, cause they all have advice. Ultimately though the decision is mine and mine alone.

With out the right amount of sugar and water, no lemonade will turn out alright, so the important part is to deal with the problem, face the issue, but don't give it too much time or thought. Know when it is time to stop. Each case is different. Lemons are different sizes and life hands you several all at once. it takes practice to understand the recipe, and I'm not claiming I know it yet. I know what lemonade tastes like though, I know how I want to feel when it is all over, and I understand that there is a recipe. This is a good start.

Lemons are all around us, but life throws them at us for a reason. A good batch of lemonade does a soul good. So when you do get some citrus to the face, don't forget, with a little water and sugar, you have an amazing treat on your hands! :)