A Child's Prayer: The Road to My Conversion

Everyone who goes to primary learns this song. Usually the kids sing the first verse, the teachers the second, and then they both sing them together in a beautiful harmony. The first is about questioning, the second about knowledge and confirmation.

1. Heavenly Father, are you really there?

And do you hear and answer ev'ry child's prayer?

Some say that heaven is far away,

But I feel it close around me as I pray.

Heavenly Father, I remember now

Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

"Suffer the children to come to me."

Father, in prayer I'm coming now to thee.

2. Pray, he is there;

Speak, he is list'ning.

You are his child;

His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayer;

He loves the children.

Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav'n.

I have sung this song, A Child's Prayer since I've known how to sing, and it has always been a favorite. At first I sung it with the childish awe: my parents told me he's there, so I'll believe. Then I began to question, question everything I knew and believed in. Are you really there? Do you really care about me?

My testimony started with the fact that I am every person I see is special. Simple enough. I am beautiful, I am special. I am a daughter of God. And for a while that is all I really knew was true about the church. I believed and wanted to believe everything, but I still questioned and I still wondered if it was true.But I knew that I knew something. As assuredly as I knew that 2 + 2 = 4, I knew that I was a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven and I knew that everyone I met was a Prince or Princess of divine rights. I started small, yes, but I knew and that was all that mattered to me.

I knew this because I asked. Like most teenagers do I was questioning who I was, was I important, could I possibly make a difference. After I started questioning and asking in prayer I started feeling something. Every time I sung I am a Child of God, recited the Young Women Theme or heard a similar statement I felt peace. It wasn't an all at once thing, more like a sunrise experience, but sometime I just new. And that was enough.

For a while I was content with just that piece of the grand puzzle of life. I knew that if God loved me I would be fine. I began to no longer question if Heavenly Father was there, because if he was my father he had to be real. But occasionally I wondered if he heard and answered prayers, so I didn't pray. I prayed at church and in family prayers, but not alone.  I remembered the stories in the scriptures, but I really hadn't read them for myself. Well, no I read the Book of Mormon once, but with the intent to finish it, not with the intent to learn. I knew my Father was a King, but I didn't get how he could hear everyone all at once, and I didn't know anything else about the church.

Then I finished 8th grade. I would start seminary the next year. I felt like I should know something more, my testimony wasn't enough. I began spiratically reading the Book of Mormon over the summer and through the first semester of school. (my seminary was only two out of three trimesters and I had it second and third). I don't remember exactly when, in fact this whole paragraph could be a lie, it is just how I best remember it, but one day I read Moroni 10: 3-5, commonly known as Moroni's challenge:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

I decided I had been piggybacking on my parent's testimonies long enough. I decided to again ask. I decided to take Moroni's challenge. My intents might not have been as pure as they could have been. Maybe I was a little bit young, at least younger than Joseph Smith was when he prayed. I guess I could have had more sincerity. But I asked, because I wanted to know. I don't remember a lot, but then next few things I remember clearly. I remember kneeling down  against my bed in my messy messy room, and asking my Father in Heaven. I din't ask him to tell me that the Book of Mormon was true, I also didn't ask him to prove to me it was false. I had no bias, I just wanted to know. If it was false I would try to find truth else where, but if it was true I would never let it go. So I asked my Heavenly Father if this book I held in my hands was true. It was a short and simple prayer. 

As I got up I had a thought in my head, "Holly, you didn't need to ask. You already knew." I felt a little silly, thinking it was just my own thought. It wasn't until a couple months later, the last day of second trimester, where in seminary we were just sharing our testimonies. One boy, I still remember who it was and his name 4 years later, got up and said that he knew this church was true because he asked. He said that he got conformation by a thought saying, "you already knew." I don't think this boy knew he helped me get my testimony, but he did. I knew that thought I had after kneeling down in prayer was the Holy Ghost telling me that I knew, and what I knew was correct. The Book of Mormon is true.

Since the Book of Mormon was true I knew that Joseph Smith was indeed the Lord's Prophet here on Earth. And every prophet since was a true prophet. I began singing the second verse of A Child's Prayer, because I knew He is there. I knew he answered prayers and I knew the Church was true.

Soon seminary ended for the year, and I had to go six months without it. I stopped my daily scripture study, and was never really in a habit of daily prayer. These habits throughout high school came and went and so did my rock solid testimony. I began singing the first verse again. Heavenly Father, Are you there? I need you! Help me, please! But I wasn't willing to put in the effort to really feel comforted. I knew that I was a Child of God. I knew the Book of Mormon was true, but I guess you could say I wasn't really into it heart and soul.

I moved out and came to college. I didn't know my roommate. I knew her name was Cassidy and that she wrote an amazing blog. But as we moved in and everyday I watched her kneel down in prayer and read her scriptures, I saw a peace and a beauty in her that I wanted. I began doing the same. When I couldn't decide what institute class to take she suggested taking a couple. She will never fully understand what those couple little things did to my testimony. 

Today in one of my institute classes we talked about Pres. Uchtdorf's talk entitled Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth. We talked about how if science and the church don't agree on something, wait around, science will catch up. That is how it was with "world's without number," and the word of wisdom. At the end of the talk he mentions that when you get a testimony it will be glorious.

I walked out of there singing A Child's Prayer. I don't know why, we hadn't talked about it or anything, but it was stuck in my head. I wasn't singing the first verse though, I was singing the second. I realized I had something glorious. Something I didn't have before. Right now I feel the strongest I ever have. I KNOW!!!! I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only church on this planet that has the complete truth others have parts, but they are all missing something. It doesn't matter that I don't understand everything about it. I have felt confirmation that it is true, I know the key big things, so the little ones don't matter. 

Think about it, a hundred years ago we didn't know about all the galaxies (worlds without number) we do now. Maybe in the next hundred years we'll discover something else that the church broadcasts as truth, and just because we don't know it now, that doesn't make it false. Science and the rest of the world will catch up. But God knows all and is almighty, and I know I can live with him again someday. And someday my husband and I together can become Gods!

I know. There is nothing anyone can say that would take that away from me. It is GLORIOUS! My testimony is a fire inside of me. I am now a convert. That doesn't happen when you get baptized, that happens when you know! We should all strive everyday to be converted, to know!

So nothing else matters. It doesn't matter that I don't know if we'll eat food in Heaven. It doesn't matter if I have friends on other planets. It doesn't even matter that I had to wait an extra six months to go on my mission. All that matters is that this church is true, and with that, I know that everything else must fall into place somehow.

My name is Holly Dawn Palmer. I'm 19 years old, I'm an engineering student at Utah State University. I love yellow, Christmas, pretzels and lemonade. I own more jewelry than anyone should. I get excited over learning binary numbers. I am a daughter of God, and I am a Mormon.

Where Are You Christmas?

Where are you Christmas 

Why can't I find you 

Why have you gone away 

Where is the laughter 

You used to bring me 

Why can't I hear music play 

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean Christmas changes too

This has been my attitude this season. For most of it I haven't been at home, my dorm, the hotel and the cabin weren't all decorated, and there hasn't even been that much snow, you know before Christmas day! I had finals in December instead of Madison's November. I don't even really have my old traditional hallmark Christmas movies, (or lovey-dovey mushy-mushy kissy-kissy movies that just happen to take place at Christmas time). I was away from family and I didn't have all the traditions. For a girl who is obsessed with Christmas, this year I was just not that into it.

I went to Forgotten Carols with my roommates and some of our friends, and the spirit there was simply magical. It reminded me of why I loved Christmas, the unity the fact that today, the whole world was united in celebrating, and yes while it all began with a precious baby in a humble stable, Christmas has grown to mean, happiness, selflessness, love, and giving. All things Jesus taught. I love how united everyone is in those emotions and actions this time of year. Like I said, Forgotten Carols reminded me of that. If you haven't seen it, I very much recommend it for next year. It reminds you of that love. After the carols though, I had to go back to studying for and taking finals.

One night during finals week my roommates went for a rive up to Bear Lake. The plan was to get up there before sunset and have a mini New Year's Eve, watch the sunset and just enjoy each other's company before the last final and we all leave for our homes and families. Well, we ended up getting a late start and sunset came and went during the drive. We got there and almost didn't know what to do, so we just parked on the side of the road. We sat on a blanket, and stared at the stars. Eventually we all ended up laying on top of each other. I saw my first few shooting starts. It was so quiet and peaceful. Beautiful and chill. The only noise was the occasionally passing car. Our laughter and eventually our singing. We sang little diddys, and Christmas carols. That reminded me of the beauty and peace of Christmas, and also the wonder of God's Creations.

This week my family spent the days before Christmas in a Cabin in Island Park. I love my family, and for the couple days we were just together. No phones, laptops, Netflix, or any other distractions. We played lots of games, went snowmobiling and just spent time with each other. Christmas was always magic because of my family, how well we get along with each other and the fun competition of our many favorite games and constant teasing. And yes, I got a concussion, and yes I'm all bruised up from crashing a snowmobile, but in the cabin with my family up on a snowy mountain, that was Christmas. 

Maybe I did lose Christmas for a little bit, but I found it again. Christmas is unity, its peace and beauty and it is family. It is collecting donations with Audge for Sub for Santa. It is shopping with my mom for presents for all my siblings. It is watching the joy on my nephew's face as he opens present after present with help from his parents. Christmas is magic, it's everywhere. it is in the small things!

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of Christmas

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I hope the Feelings lasts all year round!

My Future Husband

A couple weeks ago in Relief Society (the women's organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) we had a lesson on eternal marriage. Part of what we talked about was the fact that even though most of the girls in my ward are freshman we still need to be thinking about when in a couple years we are to the age we might get married. We need to thing about what we want in a husband, but we also need to prepare ourselves for him. If we're not confident in ourselves there is no way we'll be confident in a marriage. A couple people who have been married told me that they are continually working on that fact. They are trying to get past the insecurities they had before marrying their husband. Marriage, even eternal marriage, isn't a cure all. So I'm working on preparing myself for finding him, because deep down, I believe that I haven't met him yet.

Then in General Conference this weekend, someone mentioned something about preparing and praying to find our future spouse and being ready to meet them and deserving of them.

So here is what I want in a husband, or at least the key points:

1) Holds and Honors the Priesthood

Me in front of the Phoenix, Arizona Temple.

The priesthood power is God's power. He gives his worthy son's the authority to use his power in his name. This is the power that created the Earth, parted the Red Sea, healed the blind in Jerusalem and multiplied the loaves and fishes. In modern times, this power was used to translate the Book of Mormon, dedicate temples, church houses and many other buildings and landmarks, and comfort and heal people. 

My husband will be able to give me priesthood blessings. That is a wonder I have grown up with and will not give up. If he is worthy to hold the priesthood, he will also be worthy to take me to an LDS temple where I can be married and sealed to him for time and all eternity, in this life and in the next. And if he can do both, then that means he has a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

The priesthood however doesn't mean that men are more righteous or more favored than women. Even though women can't hold the priesthood, we are given other blessings and responsibilities. To gain the fullness of my blessings, I must also be worthy to enter the Lord's temples, and have a full testimony of the Church's teachings. For either of us to get all of the blessings we have to work together as a couple. So I am working to gain my testimony, so I can do my part to work towards our eternal marriage.

The day a guy uses his priesthood over me, to say he knows better than me, to receive revelation for me I haven't received for myself, or to say that he is more blessed than I am, is the day I know he is not the one for me. I know my heavenly father loves me, and I know he loves all his children equally, no matter there sex, race, age, religion or choices they have made.

2) Fun to be Around

My good friend Libby and I hiding in a box eating cotton candy and just being silly.

I have to be comfortable with my husband, I want him to be my best friend. I have to be able to tell him anything and everything, and feel like he is reciprocating and being honest with me. But at the same time, I don't want him to be too serious. He has to be able to laugh, and smile, and make me laugh and smile, even on the bad days. I want him to be flirty, and tease me but not too much and love me more than anything. He has to be willing to do the things I want to do, like cuddle on the couch and watch chick flicks or dance to country music. He should have a love for music.

This is a much harder thing to prepare yourself for, but I'm trying to let things go and not be so uptight. I love to laugh and try to find something to laugh or smile about when I'm upset or having a bad day. I'm also trying to try new things, so I'm ready to try out the things that he likes to do.

3) Strong Work Ethic

My acceptance letter to USU!

I want the guy I marry to be able to provide for my family, so I don't have to work if I don't want to while I'm raising kids, or that I could only work part time. I want him to be able to wash dishes and cook along side me, instead of just lying on the couch watching t.v. and I want him to enjoy his work, but look forward to coming home every night so he can get things done on time and not be later than necessary. I want him to be smart so I can have intelligent conversations with him, and I want him to have good goals in life and work and the church.

I'm preparing myself for him by gaining my education, so when hard times come or when I need to I can work and gain an income as well. i'm trying to be focused with my goals and work to improve myself everyday. 

4) Family Man

My "little" brother Justin and I. This picture pretty much sums up our relationship.

Like I said before I want him to be able to help out around the house, but he also has to be good with our kids. Change diapers, attend tea parties, and have tickle tackle fights would all be part of the dad description. Besides our future family though, he has to love and be a part of his family now. I want him to treat his mom like she's his queen, and me like I'm his princess. I also want him to be a part of my family, I want him to care about my siblings and I want my parents to like him.

I love the fact that I am so close to my family and I can talk to them about anything. I can't wait to add to my family by marrying into one! I hope that I get along with all of his family as well. I'm also preparing to raise my kids and keep my home a house of love.


I'm working hard to be worthy of him, and hope and pray everyday that he is doing the same for me. I can't wait to meet you, who ever you are. My future husband!