Where Are You Christmas?

Where are you Christmas 

Why can't I find you 

Why have you gone away 

Where is the laughter 

You used to bring me 

Why can't I hear music play 

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean Christmas changes too

This has been my attitude this season. For most of it I haven't been at home, my dorm, the hotel and the cabin weren't all decorated, and there hasn't even been that much snow, you know before Christmas day! I had finals in December instead of Madison's November. I don't even really have my old traditional hallmark Christmas movies, (or lovey-dovey mushy-mushy kissy-kissy movies that just happen to take place at Christmas time). I was away from family and I didn't have all the traditions. For a girl who is obsessed with Christmas, this year I was just not that into it.

I went to Forgotten Carols with my roommates and some of our friends, and the spirit there was simply magical. It reminded me of why I loved Christmas, the unity the fact that today, the whole world was united in celebrating, and yes while it all began with a precious baby in a humble stable, Christmas has grown to mean, happiness, selflessness, love, and giving. All things Jesus taught. I love how united everyone is in those emotions and actions this time of year. Like I said, Forgotten Carols reminded me of that. If you haven't seen it, I very much recommend it for next year. It reminds you of that love. After the carols though, I had to go back to studying for and taking finals.

One night during finals week my roommates went for a rive up to Bear Lake. The plan was to get up there before sunset and have a mini New Year's Eve, watch the sunset and just enjoy each other's company before the last final and we all leave for our homes and families. Well, we ended up getting a late start and sunset came and went during the drive. We got there and almost didn't know what to do, so we just parked on the side of the road. We sat on a blanket, and stared at the stars. Eventually we all ended up laying on top of each other. I saw my first few shooting starts. It was so quiet and peaceful. Beautiful and chill. The only noise was the occasionally passing car. Our laughter and eventually our singing. We sang little diddys, and Christmas carols. That reminded me of the beauty and peace of Christmas, and also the wonder of God's Creations.

This week my family spent the days before Christmas in a Cabin in Island Park. I love my family, and for the couple days we were just together. No phones, laptops, Netflix, or any other distractions. We played lots of games, went snowmobiling and just spent time with each other. Christmas was always magic because of my family, how well we get along with each other and the fun competition of our many favorite games and constant teasing. And yes, I got a concussion, and yes I'm all bruised up from crashing a snowmobile, but in the cabin with my family up on a snowy mountain, that was Christmas. 

Maybe I did lose Christmas for a little bit, but I found it again. Christmas is unity, its peace and beauty and it is family. It is collecting donations with Audge for Sub for Santa. It is shopping with my mom for presents for all my siblings. It is watching the joy on my nephew's face as he opens present after present with help from his parents. Christmas is magic, it's everywhere. it is in the small things!

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of Christmas

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I hope the Feelings lasts all year round!

I Can Do Hard Things.

It's Christmas time!  I love Christmas.  My family has always centered Christmas on family and Christ, but this year we were notified we wouldn't receive as many presents as we usually do, instead we would make memories. With my birthday in December too, normally I get twice the gifts, and this year I no longer get a family birthday, because my family will possibly be in 5 different places for my special day, and then nothing for Christmas, going from getting a lot last year to only one or two presents all of December this year.  Don't get me wrong, I am super excited for our new tradition of renting a cabin in Island Park for the December break, but it is a hard adjustment.  I thought especially that since all I really wanted was missionary stuff, I was justified in my wants.  I sound super shallow, I know, but changing family traditions, is hard.

Then Sunday in relief society we watched a little clip, a Mormon Message. I'm sure most of you have seen it, but if you haven't you definitely should! He is the Gift.  I know this message has struck lots of people in different ways this holiday season, but it hit me hard.  I really am okay.  I can wait for mission stuff till after I have my call, it is more practical then anyways.  And really I don't need anything that I don't have the means myself to buy.  Yes, it's fun to get presents, but headphones and church books aren't really that expensive.  Other people need things more than me.  It is more fun to by little girls a doll and little boys a race track, than to get a nineteen year old a missionary bag or new set of scriptures.  I can embrace our new holiday tradition and be okay with it. I can do hard things.

Also in Relief Society we were challenged to pick one thing over Christmas break to give up, start doing or accomplish to make us a better person.  I picked computer games, and gaming.  Yes, I know they aren't all bad, but when you get to the point I was at when you spend at least 3 hours a day swapping candy, rescuing pets, playing cards, or running a food truck all in a virtual world, I'd think we'd all agree it's gone too far.  I can do hard things. I can make it through the break by actually playing real games with people, writing in my journal (I'm lots behind), reading my scriptures, coming closer to Christ and actually talking to my friends and family.

There is one last hard thing I've accomplished this week.  I went for a run.  When I found out who my roommates were I Facebook stalked them, like any normal college student.  I was especially eager to find out about Cassidy, the one I would share a room with.  First impressions, she was super happy, loved yellow and wrote an amazing and uplifting blog, the only downside she ran.  She was on Cross County and ran a marathon over the summer, really it's fine because I had high school friends that did track and cross country, even family members did, but I don't run.  Ever.  I was worried that my roommate would get up and run every single morning and I'd feel more lazy than I already do.  Luckily Cassidy, while running occasionally, isn't that die hard about it.  A couple of my other roommates also occasionally run as well.  A couple times they invite me to go as well, and a week or two ago I almost did (I got in running clothes and everything) but then I sat in bed to charge my phone and didn't get back out.

Sunday night Kate, Tay and I stayed up late eating junk food, then for breakfast we had crepes and sparkling cider.  All day We had junk food and were kinda lazy.  I felt so sick.  They decided to to a quick ab work out that I joined them in, and then decided to do more. A run is what they suggested.  A quick two mile run to the temple and back.  I decided that if I was going to start running, a temple run was the way to begin.  I don't think they quite realized just how out of shape I was, and what they thought would be a quick 15- 20 minute run took more like half an hour.  When we got to the temple I confessed that outside of PE, which I hadn't taken since 8th grade this was like my second run ever.  It being final week, we said a roommate prayer together.  I felt the spirit as we gathered in a hug under the glow of the temple and asked our Heavenly Father for strength and comfort as we embarked on finals.  As we started back up the hill I begged my friends to leave me and actually get the workout they wanted.  They of course wouldn't.  It wan't until we got to Old Main Hill, that they took the stairs and I took the ramp.  I did it though. I ran or speed walked the whole thing.  I made it to the temple and back with my best friends at my side, cheering me on and encouraging me.

I made it! I always want to make it to the temple!
Photo Credit: Cassidy Gummersall

It reminded me of another walk I did to the temple.  Youth conference a couple years ago as we hiked and walked from "R 'Mountain'" to the Rexburg Temple.  We had prepared for that all day trek for months, walking more and eating healthy, but it was still hard for me.  The theme of the walk was "I can do hard things." I know that I can, I can do hard things.  Not by myself, but with my God and my Savior, and I can accomplish anything they would have me do.

This morning the same roommates and I made another trek to the temple.  We were dressed much differently, took a different mode of transportation, and got a different kind of wet.  As I sat in the temple with these three amazing girls by my side, I know that together we can do anything.  I look forward for each of us to get our mission calls, I can't wait to go to farewells, and then see how much we've changed at homecomings.  I eagerly await another trip to the temple, one where we go upstairs together. I can't wait until one by one we make sacred covenants and then one day we will each kneel across the alter and each get sealed to an amazing young man.  I am so blessed to have the roommates I have.  I know that we are blessed. We can do hard things, so Finals Week, bring it on!!!

We can do anything!
Photo Credit again goes to Cassidy Gummersall.

My Indecisive Mind Speaks

I am indecisive.  Extremely indecisive.  I can't commit and I never know if what I've chosen is truly the right thing for me.  Should I write my final English paper on unfairly distributing scholarships to minorities first or on how Christmas has become too commercial, or on one of the 4 other ideas I have running around on my head.  (Feel free to comment your opinion.  I probably need it.)  I can't chose what to eat at meals, and I take forever getting ready because I don't know whether to wear this outfit or that one.  Even today as I'm writing this post should I go with choice one or two?  I can't choose one, and I don't think they'd be that easy to combine, so I'm possible gonna write a two part blog.  Maybe.

Part 1: Christmas Time!

Yes, It is the first of November and Yes, I do realize Christmas is just under two months away, but for a girl who thrives on the spirit of Christmas, two months just isn't enough!  "I need a little Christmas right this very minute!" is my motto all year round! 

I know, I've heard all the arguments, Christmas isn't as special if you celebrate it too early, all the songs sound the same, "what about Thanksgiving?".  Hear is my refute, how can the most angelic and special day of the year become less special. Christ came to this world, and died for us so that we could return to him again.  I know he was probably born in April, but this is the day to celebrate all he has given us.  And even though a lot of the world has forgotten what Christmas really means, I love the spirit of Christmas, the fact that people are wondering about what to get others (yes, maybe a bit too much), and that we as humans smile a little more.  I love that Christmas songs either make me cry or make me laugh and smile.  I love that towns light up and people just care about each other a little bit more during the Christmas season!  I love the Holidays, everything about them.  I love decorating my house, and I love spending time with my family.  I love wrapping presents and I love drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas shows, cuddled up on the couch. 

Christmas is my favorite.  So I won't apologize for celebrating the holiday all year round, especially because my name is Holly.  "I cry the day that I take the tree down, I want the season to last all year round..."  I wish we'd all act in the Christmas spirit more, even I could and should act better.  Celebrating early lets me remember to be a little nicer, smile a little wider and love a little more.

When I celebrate Christmas!

An Early Christmas Present for you!

Part 2: My Best Friends

I seriously believe that I live in the best place ever.  A fantastic beautiful city at the base of incredible mountains.  I live right on campus and I live with some of the most wonderful people in the world, and it shocks me that I haven't written about them yet.  So, while I love all my roommates, the people I have met here and my friends back home, I just want to touch on a few people in my life and what they mean to me.

First of all Cassidy.  Cass is incredible.  She's the reason I am even writing this blog because hers in incredible, (she is almost a English major, so her's is a lot better.)  She lives in my room, but on the other side, by the window.  She is totally chill and fun loving and I love talking to her.  She gives great advice.  We are either the exact same or polar opposites.  We were born in the same town (maybe the same hospital) and at the time our families both lived in another town, we both love yellow, and we got the same ACT score.  She's an English Major, and I'm in Engineering.  I love Christmas (see Part One) and she hates it.  Cass is an early bird, (usually) and I'm a night owl.  I have the BESTEST roommate on campus, possibly in the world.

Hannah.  Hannah has been my best friend for a couple years now and she is fabulous.  She just got home from Ecuador working at an orphanage.  She knows all my secrets and can make me laugh.  Hannah danced with me and she is super graceful and beautiful.  She's so kind and incredibly smart.  We get each other and have so many inside jokes.  She's the reason my car's name has a silent  number in it, (my car's name is Ber3nie).  Hannah is the first person I talk to about boys, things bugging me or my worries.  I love Hannah for all the support she has given me throughout the years, and I don't know where I would be without her.

Katie is crazy.  Well actually she is sparkly, and pink.  She lives right above me, like her bed is directly above me.  She's from Montana, but she is the opposite of a hick or red neck.  Katie is also a twin; her twin's name is Emma.  Katie and I get along great as we are both incredibly social, bright and happy.  We both love the idea of romance and love, and we both adore teenage dramas, like Pretty Little Liars, Vampire Diaries and more.  Katie is really smart and wants to combine graphic design and marketing, to design ads and such for companies, and she will be fabulous!  She is so creative and her favorite thing ever is sewing tutu's and other tule skirts.

Another of my roommates is Kate.  Kate is from Arizona, and she is so intelligent.  She is the sweetest and most motherly of my roommates.  She helps out with a special needs institute class which I completely admire her for.  Kate is constantly looking for new ways to help people, and the only time I've ever seen her truly upset was because she can't figure out what she wants to do.  Kate pushes herself, and hates it when she can't figure something out.  She is the kind of person who genuinely loves everyone.  I love the example Kate is to me.

I'm kinda all over, but jumping back home to Rexburg, Amiee.  I occasionally refer to Amiee as mini-me, but that isn't true at all, she is a thousand times more impressive than me.  I was yearbook editor, and this year Amiee is.  I want to be an electrical engineer, and she is thinking more mechanical.  I went to NASA camp, and so did she.  But Ames is incredible.  She is so positive and happy all the time.  she is silly and also incredibly graceful.  Amiee is an amazing photographer and designer, and she is so smart it isn't even funny.  Some people are only great at one or two subjects, math and science, or English, or History and Government, but Amiee is pro at them all.  I don't know yet, where she is planning on heading to for college, but where ever she goes, she will excel! Amiee is fabulous and I love her lots!

Back to roommates: Taylor.  Taylor is the funniest.  She is so silly and chill.  I love that things don't generally bug her and even when they do she just brushes it off.  Tay is also from Arizona, and her sisters are her best friends.  Tay cares so much for her family and misses them so much every day.  Out of her nine blogposts over a third of them directly talk about how much she misses her family.  She has the cutest smile and I love her so much.  She wants to be a pediatrician which is so perfect for her cause she's loving and so kind.  Tay is my angel and my entertainment.

Adam lives down the hall from us and he's probably my best guy friend right now.  He just got his mission call to Canada, and he'll be one of the best missionaries ever.  He set a goal to read all of the standard works before he leaves in February, which i think is super impressive and he's well on his way to meet that goal.  Adam wants to be a surgeon which is also super impressive, and something I could never do.  He's also extremely kind and entertaining.  Adam is also my brother away from my brothers, and by that i mean he teases me like my brothers do.  Him and I both did marching band in High school and went to at least a couple of the same competitions.  If that isn't coincidence enough, he also lives in my cousin's ward, which also happens to be Hannah's cousin's ward.  I'm gunna miss Adam lots next semester, and the Canadians are lucky to have him.

Audge is the last person I want to mention today.  Audrianna is her full name and she also is a roommate.  She's from Washington but recently moved to Logan, and she's sassy.  She is so assertive and isn't afraid to speak her mind.  That can sometimes be a bad thing, but not in Audge's case.  She is a powerful leader, but leads in a kind way.  It's funny, because when we all moved in she told us to call her Anna, then a couple days later decided she wants to be Audge instead.  She's the vice president of the LLC RHA council and she's incredible, always planning activities our designing posters.  Audge wants to be a psych professor when she grows up, and she will be incredible at it.  I love her and her spunk so very much.

There are other incredible people in my life, my family and some other friends, but these guys stand out in my life right now.  They are exactly what I need, and I'm so lucky to know each and every one of them.  I love my friends, each and every one, the ones i mentioned and those i didn't, basically, if you're reading this you probably mean a lot to me.

Tay and I!

Me, Cass, Tay and Kate!

Me and Amiee!

Wryn, Emma, Me, Kate, Katie and Faith.

My roommates (minus Faith and plus Karina): Top: Jess, Me, Kelci, Karina, Audge, Kate. Bottom: Cass and Tay

Libby, Anna, Emma, Me and Hannah!

Katie and I!

Part 3: (see i couldn't decide on just two) The Blessings of Being Indecisive

I think it is funny, because while I am extremely indecisive, the hardest decisions of my life have come easy to me.  I knew I was supposed to come here to USU.  I know I'm supposed to be an engineer, and I know I'm supposed to serve a mission!  These have been the easiest decisions to make, and since I'm so indecisive, the knowledge that these were so easy for me to make testifies to me that their right.  I mean look at how blessed I've been for coming to Logan, and all of the wonderful people I've met.  I know i will be blessed for following the Lord's guidance.

Again, sorry this post has been so long, but I couldn't decide on just one, but I probably could've written more about any of the three.  Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.  Have a Merry Christmas season. :)