California Here I Come!

Last time I wrote, it was about a Large White Envelope. I opened it that weekend... I went home and had a lot of my close friends and family that could come over. Everyone one guessed, and a couple people got really close and guessed the missions right next door, but no one got it exactly right. I am going to the:

California Carlsbad Mission.

My heart now belongs to warm and sunny SoCal! It is honestly quite perfect for me, and I know that is where the Lord wants me, because I'm not doing this for my family, for myself, or even for the people in California. I'm leaving my life for Him, because he gave his life for me.

But this call is bittersweet. See, I talk a lot about my roommates, but that is because they instantly became my best friends! From the first time we emailed after finding out our roommates, I knew these girls were wonderful. We became the kind of friends that could tell each other anything, and I mean anything! These girls were the reason I didn't get a lot of sleep some nights and the focus of a lot of my memories. These are the girls who I became an adult with, who bonded as we were forced to face the real world by ourselves!

But in just a few short months, Kate will be in Spain, Cass in Ecuador, me in California, Tay in Argentina, and Hailey here in Utah! I've only been apart from my best friends for two LONG weeks, but I already feel so alone. I know my companions will become close, and in two years we'll be back together. I guess I just hate saying goodbye.

I also have friends in Rexburg I don't want to say goodbye to, and this isn't even the half of them. These friends I know it will be hard for me to see a lot, even on my return, which made it almost even harder to say goodbye. These are the girls I've grown up with! My friends for up to 10 long years.My friends that were there for braces, girls camp, boys..., first date, graduation, all my teenage experiences.

There is also the hardest goodbye, aside from my roommates, my friends, my hair, my home, I also have to say goodbye to my family. In 59 days I'll say goodbye to my two brothers, my sister and my brother-in-law, my parents and to the most adorable 16-month-old little boy. They are the ones who have supported me my whole entire life! And will support me for the rest of it.

I know I'm a little bit early in all of these goodbyes, I don't leave for two months (minus two days), but being away from all of these amazing people makes me realize how much I'm going to miss them all!

But what am I gaining? I'm gaining an adventure in the most amazing place in the world! (I mean it's got Legoland! What more could you want?) I'm going to have the most amazing experience ever! Hard, but worth it! Carlsbad is warm and gorgeous! I am so lucky to serve the lord, who I love so much in such a beautiful place in my native language.

So while I won't be a Hermana, a Sœur or an Imōto, I will be a Sister, Sister Palmer! And I will be exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing!

What is the point of all of this? Well, you know the saying that a missionary is someone who leaves their family for a short time so that others can be with theirs for eternity? I guess all the best things in life require a little bit of sacrifice. With all the goodbyes I'm saying, I'm setting myself up for some wonderful hellos! And I can't wait! I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing! I know a mission is right for me! Now it is just a matter of preparing.

California here I come! :)

The Large White Envelope

Ok, So it has been a while, a long while, lets just say the post about 10 things to get you through a tough week, yeah I really needed that one. And its not over yet, but three weeks from right now I will be done with all my finals and take that load off. I should probably be doing a million things right now, but lets face it, with what just happened, I probably won't accomplish much any way!

And what did just happen? Nothing too amazing or impressive. I checked the mail, and I had mail. Well, let me rephrase that, I got a letter. Just one. And I already know that inside it is a piece of paper and a booklet. So why is it such a big deal? Because this letter decides the rest of my life in a way. Forever after this I will be able to say, I spent a year and a half in _____. Or I served my mission _____. It decides when I start school up again after my mission, which changes whether I graduate spring or fall. It changes a lot. This one envelope contains a few key pieces of information I need to know to plan the logistics of the next few years. Where I'm going, when I'm leaving, if I learn a new language, what M.T.C. and who my mission parents will be.

It is here for real this time!

It is voluntary, I actually pay for everything. I take a leave of absence from school for at least the 18 months. I will only call home twice a year, and three times total over the course of my mission. I can only email my parents, friends and family for around an hour once a week. I will work hard, and walk lots everyday. It is work. I will probably get rejected and turned away more times than I can count, maybe even that many times in a month.

So why am I so excited to put my life on hold to go to who knows where and have lots of hardship and loneliness? Because I know HE did it for me. He walked the road less traveled, He was reject, betrayed and He was killed. But He loves me and each of us so much, that He would have done it for just one of us. Because HE lives, I'm serving a mission.

I am spending the next year and a half of my life, trying so hard to get my brothers and sisters of the world to remember that. They know that their Heavenly Father, and elder brother Jesus Christ love them, or at least they did once. It is my job to remind them. To remind them that families are designed to be forever! Not just till death do us part, but for time and all eternity. That is God's plan. To me it is scary to think that this all, the whole world happened by accident, but it is comforting to think that a loving God designed it all. God knows each and everyone of us, and He loves us despite the fact that each and every day we are imperfect. He has created a plan for us to return, a plan where we had to fall away, and Jesus had to atone for us. All this so we could choose him, and come back and live in forever families.

I have been called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And I already know I love the people of my mission so much, because they are my brothers and sisters. Where I am called is the place I know I can do the most good, and I can be blessed the most. Where I am called I will forever love and think is the best place ever. Where I am called is written in the large white envelope, and I know it is where I'm supposed to be.

A Child's Prayer: The Road to My Conversion

Everyone who goes to primary learns this song. Usually the kids sing the first verse, the teachers the second, and then they both sing them together in a beautiful harmony. The first is about questioning, the second about knowledge and confirmation.

1. Heavenly Father, are you really there?

And do you hear and answer ev'ry child's prayer?

Some say that heaven is far away,

But I feel it close around me as I pray.

Heavenly Father, I remember now

Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

"Suffer the children to come to me."

Father, in prayer I'm coming now to thee.

2. Pray, he is there;

Speak, he is list'ning.

You are his child;

His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayer;

He loves the children.

Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav'n.

I have sung this song, A Child's Prayer since I've known how to sing, and it has always been a favorite. At first I sung it with the childish awe: my parents told me he's there, so I'll believe. Then I began to question, question everything I knew and believed in. Are you really there? Do you really care about me?

My testimony started with the fact that I am every person I see is special. Simple enough. I am beautiful, I am special. I am a daughter of God. And for a while that is all I really knew was true about the church. I believed and wanted to believe everything, but I still questioned and I still wondered if it was true.But I knew that I knew something. As assuredly as I knew that 2 + 2 = 4, I knew that I was a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven and I knew that everyone I met was a Prince or Princess of divine rights. I started small, yes, but I knew and that was all that mattered to me.

I knew this because I asked. Like most teenagers do I was questioning who I was, was I important, could I possibly make a difference. After I started questioning and asking in prayer I started feeling something. Every time I sung I am a Child of God, recited the Young Women Theme or heard a similar statement I felt peace. It wasn't an all at once thing, more like a sunrise experience, but sometime I just new. And that was enough.

For a while I was content with just that piece of the grand puzzle of life. I knew that if God loved me I would be fine. I began to no longer question if Heavenly Father was there, because if he was my father he had to be real. But occasionally I wondered if he heard and answered prayers, so I didn't pray. I prayed at church and in family prayers, but not alone.  I remembered the stories in the scriptures, but I really hadn't read them for myself. Well, no I read the Book of Mormon once, but with the intent to finish it, not with the intent to learn. I knew my Father was a King, but I didn't get how he could hear everyone all at once, and I didn't know anything else about the church.

Then I finished 8th grade. I would start seminary the next year. I felt like I should know something more, my testimony wasn't enough. I began spiratically reading the Book of Mormon over the summer and through the first semester of school. (my seminary was only two out of three trimesters and I had it second and third). I don't remember exactly when, in fact this whole paragraph could be a lie, it is just how I best remember it, but one day I read Moroni 10: 3-5, commonly known as Moroni's challenge:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

I decided I had been piggybacking on my parent's testimonies long enough. I decided to again ask. I decided to take Moroni's challenge. My intents might not have been as pure as they could have been. Maybe I was a little bit young, at least younger than Joseph Smith was when he prayed. I guess I could have had more sincerity. But I asked, because I wanted to know. I don't remember a lot, but then next few things I remember clearly. I remember kneeling down  against my bed in my messy messy room, and asking my Father in Heaven. I din't ask him to tell me that the Book of Mormon was true, I also didn't ask him to prove to me it was false. I had no bias, I just wanted to know. If it was false I would try to find truth else where, but if it was true I would never let it go. So I asked my Heavenly Father if this book I held in my hands was true. It was a short and simple prayer. 

As I got up I had a thought in my head, "Holly, you didn't need to ask. You already knew." I felt a little silly, thinking it was just my own thought. It wasn't until a couple months later, the last day of second trimester, where in seminary we were just sharing our testimonies. One boy, I still remember who it was and his name 4 years later, got up and said that he knew this church was true because he asked. He said that he got conformation by a thought saying, "you already knew." I don't think this boy knew he helped me get my testimony, but he did. I knew that thought I had after kneeling down in prayer was the Holy Ghost telling me that I knew, and what I knew was correct. The Book of Mormon is true.

Since the Book of Mormon was true I knew that Joseph Smith was indeed the Lord's Prophet here on Earth. And every prophet since was a true prophet. I began singing the second verse of A Child's Prayer, because I knew He is there. I knew he answered prayers and I knew the Church was true.

Soon seminary ended for the year, and I had to go six months without it. I stopped my daily scripture study, and was never really in a habit of daily prayer. These habits throughout high school came and went and so did my rock solid testimony. I began singing the first verse again. Heavenly Father, Are you there? I need you! Help me, please! But I wasn't willing to put in the effort to really feel comforted. I knew that I was a Child of God. I knew the Book of Mormon was true, but I guess you could say I wasn't really into it heart and soul.

I moved out and came to college. I didn't know my roommate. I knew her name was Cassidy and that she wrote an amazing blog. But as we moved in and everyday I watched her kneel down in prayer and read her scriptures, I saw a peace and a beauty in her that I wanted. I began doing the same. When I couldn't decide what institute class to take she suggested taking a couple. She will never fully understand what those couple little things did to my testimony. 

Today in one of my institute classes we talked about Pres. Uchtdorf's talk entitled Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth. We talked about how if science and the church don't agree on something, wait around, science will catch up. That is how it was with "world's without number," and the word of wisdom. At the end of the talk he mentions that when you get a testimony it will be glorious.

I walked out of there singing A Child's Prayer. I don't know why, we hadn't talked about it or anything, but it was stuck in my head. I wasn't singing the first verse though, I was singing the second. I realized I had something glorious. Something I didn't have before. Right now I feel the strongest I ever have. I KNOW!!!! I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only church on this planet that has the complete truth others have parts, but they are all missing something. It doesn't matter that I don't understand everything about it. I have felt confirmation that it is true, I know the key big things, so the little ones don't matter. 

Think about it, a hundred years ago we didn't know about all the galaxies (worlds without number) we do now. Maybe in the next hundred years we'll discover something else that the church broadcasts as truth, and just because we don't know it now, that doesn't make it false. Science and the rest of the world will catch up. But God knows all and is almighty, and I know I can live with him again someday. And someday my husband and I together can become Gods!

I know. There is nothing anyone can say that would take that away from me. It is GLORIOUS! My testimony is a fire inside of me. I am now a convert. That doesn't happen when you get baptized, that happens when you know! We should all strive everyday to be converted, to know!

So nothing else matters. It doesn't matter that I don't know if we'll eat food in Heaven. It doesn't matter if I have friends on other planets. It doesn't even matter that I had to wait an extra six months to go on my mission. All that matters is that this church is true, and with that, I know that everything else must fall into place somehow.

My name is Holly Dawn Palmer. I'm 19 years old, I'm an engineering student at Utah State University. I love yellow, Christmas, pretzels and lemonade. I own more jewelry than anyone should. I get excited over learning binary numbers. I am a daughter of God, and I am a Mormon.

I want to be a missionary!

      I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also know as the Mormons. In our church the young men (aged 18+) are asked to leave their friends families and comforts of their homes for 2 years and share the joy of the restored gospel and the love of our savior Jesus Christ to our brothers and sisters around the world. Young women (aged 19+) can also have the opportunity to serve a full time mission for a period of 18 months. 

Some of my cousins and I in Phoenix after the cousin leaving on her mission spoke in Church.
Photo Credit to my Aunt Natalie.

     This weekend my cousin gave a talk in church and she will depart on her mission tomorrow. This now makes five of my cousins serving full time missions. They are serving in South Africa, California, Washington State, Ohio, and Chicago (although she is going to Mexico first to the Spanish Missionary Training Center). On both sides I am suspected and encouraged to be the next one out on a mission, and if not the next one, then one of the next couple, and I am so excited!

     I know I am meant to be a missionary. I have received confirmation of this fact multiple times and in multiple ways, and lately I've been wondering why? Why am I supposed to be a missionary, and what exactly makes a good missionary?

     Music always speaks to me, an two song in particular touch me when it comes to missionaries. Hymn 249, Called to Serve and Page 169 in the Children's Songbook, I Hope They Call Me on a Mission.

"Called to serve Him, heav'nly King of glory,

Chosen e'er to witness for his name,

Far and wide we tell the Father's story,

Far and wide his love proclaim.

"Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name;

Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name;

Forward, pressing forward, as a triumph song we sing.

God our strength will be; press forward ever,

Called to serve our King.

"Called to know the richness of his blessing--

Sons and daughters, children of a King--

Glad of heart, his holy name confessing,

Praises unto him we bring."

     I know I am a daughter of my Heavenly father and his love for me has helped me through so much. His love for me gives me hope to move on through trials and adds to my joy everyday of my life. I have a testimony and a love for this truth and the truth that I can and will live with my family forever. One of my deepest desires and hopes is that I can help bring this fact to my brothers and sisters of the world who do not have a knowledge of the joy of the eternities.

"I hope they call me on a mission

When I have grown a foot or two.

I hope by then I will be ready

To teach and preach and work as missionaries do.

"I hope that I can share the gospel

With those who want to know the truth.

I want to be a missionary

And serve and help the Lord while I am in my youth."

     I taught 4 year-olds at church for 6 months and my love for the children's hymns rekindled, so while I may not be growing a foot of two before I leave on my mission, I hope they call me. I hope I'm ready and I hope that people will be ready for me to talk to them. I am so greatful for the opportunity to give a year and a half of my life to strengthen my testimony and help plant and water the testimonies of others from all around the world. 

     People always ask me if I know where I want to go, and honestly I don't. The lord is no respecter of persons. He loves all of his children equally and I know he will call me to where ever I am best able to serve his sons and daughters. I have seen this as my brother and other missionaries have come home and shared stories about how much they love the people they helped and served with and how they know that where ever they went was in fact the perfect place for them. I know where ever I get called will be the perfect place for me.

     Many stones and rocks have been thrown in my way, but I am on the path to serve a mission. I have a testimony of this restored gospel and of my Heavenly Father and Savior's love for me. I am a Mormon, I know it, I love it and I live it!